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I Need a Yenta
For several years now I have patiently waited for someone to give me the magic formula for how to catch the perfect man. Many friends, strangers and shoe store clerks have offered their two cents on where to find the perfect man, and what I should be wearing when that miraculous moment arrives. But I admit I have selective listening when it comes to some of the advice I am given. I base my selective listening on the spouse of the person offering the advice. If their spouse is less than perfect or desirable, I choose not to take their formula into account. Because really, if that is the best man she could find, why would I want to take her advice on the subject? She clearly is not an expert on finding the perfect man.
Until I find the perfect woman with the perfect man to give me that perfect advice I so badly need, I am left to my own devices. These devices include: online "matching" or dating sites, church activities, general social functions and blind dates. The longer I am single the more I start to realize what the LDS singles culture is lacking -- a yenta.
Few people know that the real Yiddish definition of yenta is "busy body," or someone who knows both parties well. An LDS yenta could really serve some helpful purposes, because, trust me, the art of matchmaking has really gone downhill. A yenta could start with the basics, such as: confirming both parties want a temple marriage, are or are not BYU fans, whether or not football should be watched on Sundays, and determine how much time and effort both parties are willing to put forth into the match. From there it would be the yenta's duties to find out what "type" both parties are after. Because, in my humble opinion, it is all too often found that a wannabe yenta has set up a man and a woman with all of the forethought of "He's single, she's single. Let's set them up!"
Once the professional yenta has done her (or possibly his) part, it would then be his or her responsibility to create the right first date atmosphere. Preferably one without the matchmaker's small children running under foot and asking embarrassing questions. A truly qualified yenta would find and plan a first date that caters to both parties' common interests. All the stress of meeting and dating would be taken off the couple, and true love would ensue.
Alas, I do not see official ward matchmaking callings coming in the near future. Nor do I see community college training courses offering this highly skilled education. So we, the singles of the Church, are left to their own devices, matching websites, and shoe store clerks with perfect spouses.
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5 comments
Thanks for the laugh Erin. I really needed it!
Each and every active and worthy member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, does have access to a yenta. In the church, this yenta is commonly called the Holy Ghost. He intimately knows you and anyone you wish to consider dating. In fact, he is so good at his job that there is no personal bias in any of his advice.
As far as the advice thing goes, Erin, you are probably already aware that there are no perfect men or women, much less married ones. I have as close to a perfect marriage as I think it is possible to have, so I think my advice is good. (I have been married for a few months more than 25 years - to the same women.)
In a good marriage, you must be on the parallel tracks - like a train. If the two tracks under a train varied their width, even slightly, tragedy would result. What I am saying is that you and your husband (when you find him) will have exactly the same long term goals. You will be successful in reaching those goals as a team only to the degree that you are both willing to sacrifice any of your most cherished dreams that get in the way of that epic journey. "Love" is a verb and it is closely synonymous with "service". You act in the interest of your husband and he acts in your interest. No one ever falls out of love but a person who stops serving the other. Unselfishness and kindness are at the core of every successful marriage.
Sacrificing things while feeling like a victim is not sacrifice at all, so beware. That kind of sacrifice is a form of controlling, manipulating behaviour and there is no place for the slightest form of manipulation in any happy marriage.
My advice to you is to be the kind of person a perfect man would want to cherish. Actively search for "Mr. Right", but leave the rest to the Lord. He knows what is best for you better than anyone else. He will take care of your heartfelt interests.
But your Holy Ghost=Yenta comment is an eyeroller for the over 30 singles crowd. I am sure these people have spent hours if not years of praying for that Holy Ghost help, but alas no, spouse. Of course the Holy Ghost is much needed in everyones lives, but if the Holy Ghost really was a Yenta, there wouldn't be any frustrated singles out there.
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