Young Single Adults

A short while ago, I was watching a movie which I had not seen in a long time. In this movie, there is a certain young woman (she was actually just a side character in the film) who has always tugged at my heart strings. Due to the fact that her mother died, when she was a small child, she was raised solely by her father. Not knowing how to raise a daughter, he did the best he could and raised her as a boy. She was strong of body and character, but lacking in beauty and every feminine grace. More then once in the film this fact was remarked upon by those she came in contact with.

Anyway, as I was watching this movie my baby sister (nine years of age) walked in. She took one look at this awkward young lady on the screen and with an expression of awe said, "Oh my, isn't she just beautiful! Don't I look a lot like her? Do you think that when I grow up, I can be as beautiful as her?" I was struck, how could I tell my sister that this young lady was considered by the world as ugly and so very lacking? I held my tongue and instead looked closer to see if I could discern this beauty that was so apparent to my little sister. It only took a moment for me to begin to discern that beauty. This character had a strong inward beauty, but there was a hint at an outward beauty, as well. Only, like me, most of the other characters (including the girl herself) could not see it. As the movie progressed, the young woman was taught all she never had the opportunity to learn from a loving mother. As she learned how to act like a woman and look like a woman, I saw her grow in confidence, grace, and beauty. I saw this reflected in how those around her both saw and treated her, as well. This is a powerful lesson.

I was taught once that the way we appear affects the way we think, feel, act, and thus how others react toward us. I have found this to be true in my life, just as I saw it to be true with that young lady in the movie I just mentioned. The famous early American author Jack London understood this principle, and that is why in a letter to his daughter Jane he counseled,

"Never hesitate at making yourself a dainty, delightful girl and woman. There is a girl's pride and a woman's pride in this and it is indeed a fine pride. On the one hand, of course, never over-dress. On the other hand, never be a frump. No matter how wonderful are the thoughts that burn in your brain, always, physically, and in dress, make yourself a delight to all eyes that behold you…Our bodies are as glorious as are our minds…Never forget the noble things of the spirit, on the other hand, never let you body be ignoble. As regards to the garmenture of your body, learn to do much with little, never to over do, and to keep such a balance between your garmenture and your mind that both garmenture and mind are beautiful…Develop your mind to it's upmost beauty, and keep you body in pace with your mind." Letters of a Nation, pg 330-331

Contrarily, I have heard it said often enough that it is only the inside that counts. It matters not how you dress, groom, or carry yourself. That it bespeaks more humility and spirituality to not take care of your outward appearance. Where I can agree that it is the inside that mostly counts, we cannot forget the outward, in fact President Harold B. Lee counseled,

"Do not underestimate the important symbolic and actual effect of appearance. Persons who are well groomed and modestly dressed invite the companionship of the Spirit of our Father in Heaven and are able to exercise a wholesome influence upon those around them. Persons who are unkempt and careless about their appearance, or adopt the visual symbols of those who often oppose our ideals, expose themselves and persons around them to influences that are degrading and dissonant. Outward appearance is often a reflection of inward tendencies" President Harold B. Lee, "Be Loyal to the Royal Within You," BYU, 11 September, 1973

When I think of how our outward appearance is a reflection of what is inside, I think of Paul's statement in the New Testament,

"Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you? If any man defile the temple of God, him shall God destroy; for the temple of God is holy, which temple ye are"
1 Corinthians 3:16–17

Temples are sacred places. It is what happens inside that is most important. Yet have you ever visited a Temple of God? If you have (or if you have only seen a picture) then you have seen how beautiful the outward building, and grounds are. This is because like President Lee said, that the outward is merely a reflection of the inward. The temple stands as a candle on a hill, an invitation for all who see it to come unto Christ. If our bodies are temples, should not they act in the same way? Should not our outside reflect the glory within, and stand as a light to the world to help others come unto Christ?

I promise that as we better align out outward appearance to better reflect our inward self, then how we think, feel, and act will change,as will, how others react toward us. For, we will begin to see, the inherent beauty we were born with, and so will all those around us.

About 93 years ago, the First Presidency of the Church, had a growing concern about the degeneration of families across the world. So, in a formal letter to the church, they instituted Family Home Evenings (FHE)

"We advise and urge the inauguration of a 'Home Evening' throughout the church, at which time fathers and mothers may gather their boys and girls about them in the home and teach them the word of the Lord. . . . 'Home Evening' should be devoted to prayer, singing hymns, songs, instrumental music, scripture-reading, family topics and specific instruction on the principles of the gospel, and on the ethical problems of life, as well as the duties and obligations of children to parents, the home, the Church, society and the nation. For the smaller children appropriate recitations, songs, stories and games may be introduced. Light refreshments of such a nature as may be largely prepared in the home might be served.

If the Saints obey this counsel, we promise that great blessings will result. Love at home and obedience to parents will increase. Faith will be developed in the hearts of the youth of Israel, and they will gain power to combat the evil influence and temptations which beset them." (First Presidency letter, 27 April 1915 — Joseph F. Smith, Anthon H. Lund, Charles W. Penrose)

Growing up, I always knew that Sunday meant attending church, and Monday night meant Family Home Evening. Come 6:00 P.M. on Monday night it was officially family time. My father always presided, and conducted over Family Home Evening (FHE.) We would take turns choosing the opening and closing songs. My father always chose someone to pray, and then the time was turned over to whoever was giving that week's lesson. Afterwards, we sometimes had an activity and almost always had a dessert (which often was homemade pop corn.)

Looking back, I am so thankful for the institution of family home evening. I learned so much through those weekly lessons, but even more, I can see how much stronger my family is because of the time spent together. I know this is something I will continue someday with my husband and children. For, I want my future family to be strong and untied.

What about right now? I have noticed that too often, Single Adults are seemingly in between worlds. We are no longer a small child or youth to be governed, and cared for by our parents. More often than not, we do not even live under our parent's roof, anymore. And yet, we have not married and begun a family of our own. Where does family home evening fit in with us?

There are two really good talks given which I recommend reading on the subject. One is written by a single adult and the other by a widow living alone. Both talks from the Ensign show how Family Home Evening can be done even if you are alone.

Family Home Evening for One - Judyth F. Barton

Family Home Evening for One - Bette J. Theriot

Right now, as my current calling, I have the privilege of being a member of my Singles Ward's Family Home Evening Committee. Since some of the singles in our ward live at home and attend FHE with their families, and some choose to have a private FHE with their roommates, the number who attends the ward FHE varies from week to week. We get on average anywhere from 7-25 people who come. Yet, even if we only had three or five people attending, it would still be worth it. It is not the number of people who attend, the perfection of the lesson, or even the grandness of the activities which matter. What matters is that we do it. That we come together in the eyes of God, to teach, learn, enjoy, and come closer to each other and to our Lord.

The same blessings, I received in my family, through participation in a weekly Family Home Evening, I have seen wrought in my Singles Ward. This is because the promised blessings of God are real and are available to all of us no matter our circumstance as long as we are obedient to the commandment upon which the blessing is predicated (D&C 130:20-21).

"Family home evening is for everyone. It is for families with parents and children, for families with just one parent, and for parents who have no children at home. It is for home evening groups of single adults and for those who live alone or with roommates. . . . Regular participation in family home evening will develop increased personal worth, family unity, love for our fellow men, and trust in our Father in heaven." (Family Home Evening, 1976 — Spencer W. Kimball, N. Eldon Tanner, and Marion G. Romney)

From the time that the Prophet Lehi and his family left Jerusalem, to the final Battle at Cumorah, which marked the formal end of the Nephite people, records were kept. These records were passed down, to be read and then continued, from prophet to prophet, and from ruler to ruler. Of these records one Nephite prophet Helaman said,

"But behold, a hundredth part of the proceedings of this people, yea, the account of the Lamanites and of the Nephites, and their wars, and contentions, and dissensions, and their preaching, and their prophecies, and their shipping and their building of ships, and their building of temples, and of synagogues and their sanctuaries, and their righteousness, and their wickedness, and their murders, and their robbings, and their plundering, and all manner of abominations and whoredoms, cannot be contained in this work." Helaman 3:4

There was so much that could not be recorded because of the difficulties of doing so, and yet enough was recorded (that which was considered most precious) that, later at the end of their civilization, the Prophet/Historians Mormon and his son Moroni, had to compile and condense the record even further. All this was done in the wisdom of God that we in these last days would be blessed with another testament of Jesus Christ.(The Book of Mormon)

Likewise, in our day, as in the days of the Ancient Nephites, we too have been commanded to keep records. I have been taught this since I was a child. And because of this, I have created such an eclectic assortment of journal entries, which span from my childhood to the present. For, even though I do not have to deal with the difficulty of engraving my record like those ancient Nephites, it is still not easy for me to keep a consistent record. I cannot count the number of times that I have started a journal and been faithful for a few days, only to stop. Often I tell myself that I am just too busy. The life of a single adult often is. It is true that often I just don't' have the time in the morning, and by evening I am ready to drop in exhaustion.

Yet, where I think that chaos of life and tiredness may have a part to play in my not keeping a consistent journal, I think that there is a deeper reason. I think that the reason we, (or at least I) do not try harder to keep a consistent journal, is because we think that is it of no use. No one could ever want to read what is written, and even if someone did, what good would it do them?

When I think of how much The Book of Mormon, has influenced my life I am humbled. For me this record is more than a history. It is more then a bunch of really cool stories. The Book of Mormon is filled with wisdom, guidance, and warning that is totally applicable in my life. It is also full of comfort, strength, and understanding. Most importantly I know my Heavenly Father, and Savior Jesus Christ so much more because of it. I understand who I am, why I am here, where I am going, and how to get there.

I see the value in the ancient record known as The Book of Mormon, yet that record was made by Prophets and great leaders. Of course their record would be influential. I, however, am not a Prophet. I am not a great leader. I am not even married yet. How could anything I write be of any influence to future generations?

The Lord knew that we would have these fears, and difficulties, and so He spoke to us through his Prophet, President Spencer W. Kimball, the Prophet of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, saying,

"You should continue on in this important work of recording the things you do, the things you say, the things you think, to be in accordance with the instructions of the Lord. Your story should be written now while it is fresh and while the true details are available.

Your private journal should record the way you face up to challenges that beset you. Do not suppose life changes so much that your experiences will not be interesting to your posterity. Experiences of work, relations with people, and an awareness of the rightness and wrongness of actions will always be relevant. Your journal, like most others, will tell of problems as old as the world and how you dealt with them…

Your journal is your autobiography, so it should be kept carefully. You are unique, and there may be incidents in your experience that are more noble and praiseworthy in their way than those recorded in any other life.

What could you do better for your children and your children's children than to record the story of your life, your triumphs over adversity, your recovery after a fall, your progress when all seemed black, your rejoicing when you had finally achieved? Some of what you write may be humdrum dates and places, but there will also be rich passages that will be quoted by your posterity." New Era, December 1980 President Kimball Speaks Out on Personal Journals

Here is a promise that if I keep working at writing in my journal that no matter how insignificant the entries may seem to me that they will be of great worth to my future posterity. There will be rich passages which will be counted as of great worth to them. With this in mind how can I not do my best, even though it is difficult to write even a hundredth part of my story, to record what I can.

How often do we listen to our religious leaders, (Bishopric members, Stake Presidencies, General Authorities) and think to ourselves that it was meant for the person sitting next to us, or across from us, or down the row from us, but certainly not us? How often do we tell ourselves that the bit of counsel given just doesn't apply? So then, we toss it out of our head as quickly as it entered?

Maybe this happens more among the singles of the church for much of the advice is given to fathers, mothers or families in general. In which case it is much easier to decide that the counsel has nothing to do with us, then to look and see how it could apply. Sigh . . .

"...I did liken all scriptures unto us, that it might be for our profit and learning..." 1 Nephi 19:23

As Nephi did for the scriptures, so to can (and should) we do for all the counsel from the Lord. For if we do not do so, I know we will miss out on many great blessings. This truth was brought home to me once through the experience of a dear friend.

Last year in Stake Conference, our Stake Presidency reiterated the need to get out of debt, set aside money for rainy days, and then they said wherever your food storage is add another six months worth to it. Upon coming home from the meetings that day, my dear friend resolved to follow the counsel given. This was not an easy feat. My friend is 28, single, and living away from home. Where she had a decent job, she had a lot of debt (between credit cards and car). How was she to pay all that off, set aside money for the future, and acquire (let alone figure out where to put it in a small apartment) six months of food storage, when she was barely getting by on what she was making?

With these grave concerns in mind, yet the firm decision to obey in her heart, my friend went to her knees in prayer. She asked the Lord to help, then got up and went to work. For months she worked hard, sacrificed, and continually prayed. And do you know what? She did it! By the end of last year, she was totally debt free, had money in the back, and food stashed away. How grateful she was that she had followed the Stake President's counsel, a few weeks later when she was unexpectedly laid off work.

Though unsure how long her unemployment would last, my friend was not afraid. She had listened to and had obeyed the counsel from her leaders, and she was prepared. Not having to worry about payments due on either credit cards, or car payments was such a relief to her in this time. Knowing she had enough food to last her for six months if necessary gave her peace. Having money in the bank to cover rent, gas, and even fast offerings (to help others in need) made it possible for her to go on as if all in life were normal until she could find another job.

As one week melded into another, I grew more and more concerned for the welfare of my dear friend. I knew that she was out of work, and though she was actively looking for employment, she was finding nothing. One day I voiced my concern to her to which she quoted the scripture,

"...if ye are prepared ye shall not fear . . . "
Doctrine and Covenants 38:30

That was when she shared with me her story and how she had followed the counsel of her leaders and because of this she was prepared. Though her funds were getting lower and she did need to find another job soon, in the mean time she was okay. (I am happy to report that a few days ago my dear friend received an unexpected phone call that resulted in a job offer. This new job was even better then the one she had lost over a month ago.)

As illustrated though the example of my friend, the Lord wants us to be prepared, so that we can live free of fear. This is why we have living Prophets, Apostles, and Priesthood Leaders. They call us to repentance, come unto Christ, and they are the watchmen on the tower who can see afar off to warn us of danger. When we heed their warning call, we will be able to meet what life brings our way with happiness and peace, not fear and regret.

Where many in the world have the power and authority to marry a couple in the eyes of the law, and even the eyes of God, till death do them part, there are only a few who have the power and authority to marry a couple for time and all eternity. Likewise, where the first sort of marriage previously stated may be preformed anywhere, the second sort can only be preformed in a Temple of God by one who has been given the authority to do so (a Sealer). This is the same authority that Christ gave to his apostles.

"And I will give unto thee the keys of the kingdom of heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven." Matthew 16:19

Temples are not only created for the purpose of performing this work for the living, but also for the dead. We do so by standing in as proxy for them. Once the work has been done for someone who has passed on, they have the ability to accept or reject it. I know that the work that transpires within the Temples of God is holy and right. It is sacred, which is why it is not often discussed in detail outside those dedicated walls. I am so thankful for temples and those who work within them. Without that work, families would not have the ability to be sealed, to live together for the eternities.

There are many who have already passed on who are waiting for this work to be done in their behalf. They pray that the hearts of the children, as spoken by Malachi of old, (Malachi 4:6) will be turned to the fathers to do this work and bind the generations together. Otherwise, the whole Earth would be wasted, or our lives upon it.

Though I have not been married or sealed in the temple myself, I have been greatly blessed with the opportunity to go in behalf of others. Before my mission I was able to go, with my family's ward. It was such a wonderful experience to be able to stand in as proxy for many of my friend's ancestors while their families were sealed together for time and all eternity. Likewise, since my return from serving a mission, I have been blessed with the opportunity to go to the temple and do sealings, very regularly.

When I do sealings in the temple for the deceased, I am reminded once more of the power of the sealing ordinance. I am filled with joy in the knowledge that another family is reunited and sealed as it were (if that is their wish). I find that I am renewed with hope, for the day when I will be able to be in that holy place with my future husband, to be sealed together for time and all eternity. To know that my marriage will not be 'til death do us part, but for time and all eternity means more than I can say. I am filled with power and confidence to face life's trials when I know that all the children I will someday have will be bound to me and my husband (as long as we remain righteous), and that we will be bound to God. I am strengthened in my desire to remain worthy, and reminded of how to do so.

Some people believe in destiny, others believe that everything is a matter of chance, I believe in foreordination. I believe that we were each called to do a specific work in our lives, our own personal missions to move forward the work of the Lord. (Of course, this foreordination is still subject to our agency, or the choices we make. If we fail to qualify, by our choices, for the missions we were called to do, then another will be chosen to do so in our place. For God’s work will not be frustrated. Although, I cannot help but think that no one could fulfill your mission like you could.)

With this in mind, I could not help but wonder, whenever I thought of the vast ages of the world, (and all the people who have been born to them) of why I was chosen to live now, in this age. (For timing is very important in fulfilling our missions.) As I said, I do not believe that it is mere random coincidence that places us in the exact time and place to which we are born. I know there is a purpose.

Not too many years ago the then current Prophet of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, President Ezra Taft Benson addressed this when he taught,

“God has held you in reserve to make your appearance in the final days before the second coming of the Lord. Some individuals will fall away; but the kingdom of God will remain intact to welcome the return of its head--even Jesus Christ. While our generation will be comparable in wickedness to the days of Noah, when the Lord cleansed the earth by flood, there is a major difference this time. It is that God has saved for the final inning some of His strongest children, who will help bear off the kingdom triumphantly. . . . Make no mistake about it--you are a marked generation. There has never been more expected of the faithful in such a short period of time than there is of us.” Teachings of Ezra Taft Benson [1988], pp. 104-5

We are told that we were held in reserve for this time. We are told that there is much expected of us. In more recent years, Elder Russell M. Nelson of the Quorum of the twelve Apostles said,

“You are one of God’s noble and great spirits, held in reserve to come to earth at this time. (See Doctrine and Covenants 86:8-11.) In your premortal life you were appointed to help prepare the world for the great gathering of souls that will precede the Lord’s second coming. You are one of a covenant people. You are an heir to the promise that all the earth will be blessed by the seed of Abraham and that God’s covenant with Abraham will be fulfilled through his lineage in these latter days." (See 1 Nephi 15:18; 3 Nephi 20:25.)” November 1990, Choices, Elder Russell M. Nelson

Here we learn that we were appointed in our premortal life to prepare the way of the Lord. Yet how can anyone fulfill their missions if they do not know what they are? The Lord understands this dilemma. Which is why he has prepared many ways for us to discover our missions.

1) We have Patriarchal Blessings.
2) Priesthood Blessings.
3) Personal Revelation from the Spirit.
4) The teachings of the Scriptures.

Seeking out and fulfilling your mission is a process that takes a lifetime. This process requires faith, patience, and the willingness to submit to the will of the Lord. As a warning, never expect the Lord to just lay out every little detail before you. That is not His way. We are told in the scriptures that He will give us line upon line, and precept upon precept.

This is not something to put off until one is old, and has nothing else to do. Our missions often span the course of our lifetime. Which mean we must seek Him early and often to fulfill all He has called on us to do. When we do so, though life will most likely turn out different then planned, it will be more fulfilling, joyful, and in the end we will have little if any regrets (none of which will come from doing the will of God).

My friend (who was feeling rather poorly) invited me to come over to her home, the other day. She said that she was in the mood to watch a chick-flick, eat chocolate, and talk about life. I was happy to oblige her. There was a particular movie she wanted to watch, for as she put it, one of the main characters reminded her of me. As I began to watch, I realized that the resemblance between me and this fictional character were uncommonly similar. This, said, the movie was quite the wake up call. I swallowed a few hard truths about myself and how I approach relationships, which is probably why I haven't had much success. Later, the more I thought of it, the more I realized, that a lot of girls that I know, who are still single, are just like her, as well.

What was this woman like? Well, she was an intelligent, beautiful, sensitive, romantic woman. She was never lacking in friendship, but those friendships rarely developed into any real relationships. She was the one that men felt was “safe.” She gave her heart to a man who took it, and kept it, but did not return the favor. He gave his heart elsewhere, but kept her in his life, because he was emotionally dependent on her. Who else could he talk to, who understood him so well, who had the best advice, who inspired him to reach for the stars? Thus, he never gave her what she needed. Yet, never let her go, either. If she ever got free of that relationship, the next would start, and finish the same way. At one point, in the movie, this woman was told,

"In the movies we have leading ladies and we have the best friend. You, I can tell, are a leading lady, but for some reason you are behaving like the best friend."

Why, if she was, as stated in the movie, "leading lady material," did she act the part of the best friend to the men in her life? I thought a lot about this and all I could come up with was fear (of rejection if she really put herself out there), and doubt (that she was good enough to be thought of as anything other then just a friend.). So, with this fear and doubt she acted in a way that doomed her to live out her fear.

So, how does one overcome such impediments standing in the way of Happiness?

First, we must remember that fear does not come of God.

"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." (2 Timothy 1:7)

We also know that there is only one way to overcome fear. In the scriptures we are told that it is through charity or perfect love.

"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear…" (1 John 4:18)

So, the key to overcoming fear in a relationship, is to love. One needs to love, not just, the one you want to have the relationship with, but love oneself, as well. Can you really love another if you don't love yourself first?

Which brings us to the second problem, which is doubt.

Doubt comes from not having a healthy self esteem. President James E. Faust spoke on the importance of a healthy self-esteem back in May 2007 in a CES Fireside. He started his talk by sharing,

"An unknown Englishman of early days offered this prayer: "O God, help me to hold a high opinion of myself." "That," said President Harold B. Lee of the Englishman's plea, "should be the prayer of every soul; not an abnormally developed self-esteem that becomes haughtiness, conceit, or arrogance, but a righteous self-respect that might be defined as 'belief in one's own worth, worth to God, and worth to man.

Indeed, the self-esteem that I speak of this evening is not blind, arrogant, vain, self-love but rather a self-esteem that is self-respecting, honest, and without conceit. It is born of inner peace and strength.

Self-esteem goes to the very heart of our personal growth and accomplishment. It is the glue that holds together our self-reliance, our self-control, our self-approval or disapproval and keeps all self-defense mechanisms secure. It is a protection against excessive self-deception, self-distrust, self-reproach, and plain old-fashioned selfishness." James E. Faust, The Value of Self-Esteem, CES Fireside May6, 2007

This healthy self-esteem, or self-worth coupled with love when possessed will emanate from our very beings. Then, and only then, can we truly act the part of the leading lady in our life. When this happens, we will see a difference in not only how the men in our life view us, but every other person in our life as well. This is what our Father in Heaven wants for us.

He wants us to be happy. I know this with all my heart. He wants us to not only marry and have families, but to be successful in them; for Heavenly Father knows that is where our greatest opportunity for happiness in this life is. He knows our fears, and doubts, and has provided a way to overcome them, so that we can receive all that He has planned for us. I know this is true, and I know that someday I'll be able to look back on the other side of life and see the confirmation of all I have just said.

I love the final counsel given by the Prophet Lehi in the Book of Mormon, to his sons, before his death:

"And now that my soul might have joy in you, and that my heart might leave this world with gladness because of you, that I might not be brought down with grief and sorrow to the grave, arise from the dust, my sons, and be men..." 2 Nephi 1:21

If you continue to read the following six verses, Lehi gives the characteristics of being a righteous "Man"(again the same things apply to women). However, these words had so much more meaning (then mere words) to his sons, for they were preceded with his example. Likewise, there are so many things my own parents have sought to teach me, and my siblings, which I will someday pass on to my own children.

For example, my parents are always trying to teach us that we need to take care of one another, to serve those in need, to be instruments in the hands of God, to give with no complaint, etc. Knowing that words would not be enough, my parents would seek out opportunities to ingrain within us these truths, opportunities, such as the snowstorm that occurred a few weeks ago...

We have gotten a lot of snow lately here in Utah. Now this is great if you love to go skiing, snow-boarding, or sledding. It is also great if you are a fan of making snow castles, snow men, or snow angels. It is even great if you are a fan of snowball fights. However, it is not great if you have to walk, or drive anywhere.

The other morning my family awoke to discover that it had snowed about six inches in the night. The moment my father saw the amount of snow that had fallen, he called my two younger brothers into the living room. He expressed to them, his concern for all the widows, single parents, young couples, sick, and elderly in the neighborhood who needed help to clear their walkways, and driveways. Moments later the three of them were bundled in their warm winter wear and heading out into the cold. Armed with a snow blower, broom, and shovels, they went to work.

Side by side, they worked together, imagining the looks of surprise and gratitude on the faces of the many they were secretly helping. When they finally came in from the cold (hungry, exhausted, and in at least Dad's case a lot of pain) hours later, more than 2/3 of the neighborhood was cleared.

Watching the shining eyes of my younger brothers, as they came in from the cold, I saw a glimpse of the men they will some day become. I think my mother and father saw it too, for they had a look in their eyes as well, which was moving to behold.

Every night I pray for my future spouse, that he too has been given that call to arise from the dust and be a man, whether by his own parents or by another close to him. Even more so, I pray that he heeds that call.

Through the classic tale of Alice in Wonderland, by Lewis Carroll, I was once taught a powerful lesson. There comes a part in the story where Alice stood at a crossroads not knowing which path she should take. Sitting at the crossroads was the Cheshire Cat. Alice asks the cat which way she should go. The cat wisely responded that it would depend on where she wanted to go. Alice replied that she did not much care, as long as she got somewhere. To that comment, the cat answered, "Then it doesn't matter which way you go."

If I don't have a destination in mind, then it matters not, which road I take. Now, let’s apply this principle to marriage. If I don't care what sort of man I marry, then it matters not whom I date. If that is true, then it is also true that if I do care about the sort of man I marry, it definitely matters, whom I date. Now, I don't know about you, but it matters very much what sort of man I marry. (It also matters to me where I marry, but that is the subject of another post.)

In the February 1999 Ensign there is a powerful article written by President Gordon B. Hinckley entitled, "Life's Obligations." In this article, he addressed the topic of choosing the right companion. He said,

"Choose a companion you can always honor, you can always respect, one who will complement you in your own life, one to whom you can give your entire heart, your entire love, your entire allegiance, your entire loyalty."

It has also been suggested by Elder Richard G. Scott that there are several attributes of a potential spouse which will contribute to happiness in marriage:

"a deep love of the Lord and of His commandments, a determination to live them, one that is kindly understanding, forgiving of others, and willing to give of self, with the desire to have a family crowned with beautiful children and a commitment to teach them the principles of truth in the home." Receive the Temple Blessings, Ensign, May 1999

I have had, on more then one occasion, single friends comment that this sort of man or woman, just mentioned by President Hinckley and Elder Scott, no longer exists. I know that to be untrue. I have been blessed in my life with many wonderful examples of just such men and women. Maybe this is because I am always on the look out for them, but that doesn't take away from the fact that they are there. I am sure that if you look, you too will find many such examples all around you. Let us not give up, but continue seeking for (and seeking to be) that companion spoken of by President Hinckley and Elder Scott.