Young Single Adults

I have heard many of my single adult friends complain about their parents seeming interfere with their life. Indeed I have heard the comments, "Why can't my parents just leave me alone?", or "Why can't they acknowledge that I am an adult?", or "If only they would stay out of my life."

I must admit that a time or three I used to feel that way, as well. As an adult I felt the need to spread my wings and independently fly. Part of becoming an adult was to be independent isn't it? It was my right and responsibility to think and act of myself (and live with the consequences.) Besides my parent's responsibility toward me was over, wasn't it?

I finally came to realize how unjust and immature I was being. It was pride and misunderstanding that stood in my way of accepting their wisdom, counsel, and involvement in my life. What I needed to realize was that my parents will never outlive their responsibility toward me, their child. President Ezra Taft Benson the 13th President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (also known as the Mormons)taught,

"Fathers and certainly mothers too, yours is an eternal calling from which you are never released. … A father's calling is eternal, and its importance transcends time. It is a calling for both time and eternity." To the Fathers in Israel,Ensign, Nov. 1987, Ezra Taft Benson

Where parents will never outlive their responsibilities as parents, when their children grow into adulthood, their parental roles do change. This can be difficult to adjust to on both sides. This merely necessitates more love and understanding.

"While parental responsibility never ceases, it does change. After the birth of a child, parents provide for the baby's every need. As the child grows, the amount of parental involvement decreases. Over time, the degree of involvement becomes harder for parents to determine. By the time children have reached adulthood, the complexity of determining the timing, extent, and direction of parental involvement in children's lives sometimes causes parents to give up. As a result, they either assume a very passive role or stop those relationships altogether. When this happens, everybody loses. Parents feel alienated from their children's lives and activities, and the children lose opportunities to draw on the wisdom their parents have accumulated through years of experience." July 2006 Ensign, Families Are Forever—and So Is Parenthood, By Garth Hanson and Steve Hanson

As we realize that our parents are trying to adjust to this new role they have in our lives, (which is not easy for them) and recognize that their actions stem from love toward us, then we can have more patience and understanding toward them.

There is still much that we can learn from our parents. There always will be. This is a great blessing to us. In closing I would like to remind all my single adult friends that as we learn how to adjust to our relationship with our parents, it is important for us to remember that being an adults, doesn't void God's commandment to always,

"Honour thy father and thy mother, as the Lord thy God hath commanded thee; that thy days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with thee, in the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee." Deuteronomy 5:16

This last weekend my sister was visiting with her new husband. They were planning their wedding reception which is coming up on the 12th of April. Saturday night, my new brother invited two of his good friends to come over. When they arrived, they demanded details on his whirlwind courtship with my sister. After three hours (because of so many interruptions)they had only gotten to the point in their story where they were holding hands (which occurred before the first and only date they had before getting married). We had to set up another game night to finish the story.

However, at one point in the narration of their courtship, one of his friends made the comment that listening to them it sounded like their courtship was as slow as molasses, which we all knew was anything but the case.

To this, my sister and her husband explained that their courtship wasn't slow, or rushed, but went naturally as God planned it. For as anyone who has seen my sister and her husband together can attest, they were clearly brought together by the hand of the Lord. They are perfect for each other. Where I have been to many weddings, this is the first time I have seen such a union of souls.

Many people have had problems with the shortness of my sister's engagement. Their first date was only days before they got engaged, and just under a week before they were sealed together in the Mt. Timpanogos Temple. What most people didn't know was that in the weeks before their first date they spent probably a hundred hours talking as they walked to and from school, church, firesides, and as they just sat in my sister's living room with their friends.

In an article entitles, Making Dating Smooth Sailing, which was adapted from a Brigham Young University–Idaho devotional address given on 18 November 2003, Sister Susan W. Tanner Young Woman's General President said the following,

"One of the ways to develop a strong, loving relationship is with sound communication. Communication is the way a good relationship begins and also endures. My unmarried children ask me constantly how it is that anyone ever gets together. It seems like such a mysterious puzzle. I know that everyone's falling-in-love story is different. But there seems to be at least one commonality among most stories. This is a spontaneity in conversation. So many couples say things like, ‘We just talked and talked; I lost track of time when we were talking; it was so comfortable to talk; we share the same sense of humor; we loved talking about our similar interests and values.’…

I've heard it said that "love is a long conversation." I believe it. In fact I often joke with our children that if I ever run out of things to say to Dad, then the marriage will be over. I'm pretty safe saying that, because we love to talk to one another about everything.

This communication that is so fun in a friendship is also essential as you really get to know someone's deeper self. A relationship may never develop into a courtship because it can't get beyond inch-deep generalities." Making Dating Smooth Sailing, New Era October 2004, Susan W. Tanner

With this sort of deep conversation they had often engaged in, my sister and her husband had formed a deep and lasting friendship long before they ever had their first date. Friendship came first, but courtship did follow. Because they were both worthy and prepared, when they each prayed to the Lord for confirmation about marriage their answers came sooner then most.

When they had their answer, they did not delay acting upon it. This, I believe to be most wise. When we do not act right away according to the revelations we have received, then sometimes we miss the opportunity to do so, and often we begin to doubt the revelation we received. I am so happy my sister and new brother followed the promptings of the spirit in coming together. I see how happy they are because of it.

Now for some friendship and courtship may take longer than others. This is fine. The important thing is to involve the Lord from the first. Follow the promptings of the spirit in how you approach your relationship, and in how you progress your relationship. And when you get your confirmation/direction from the Lord, do not delay upon action.

Late one night while, sitting around the campfire, at our last Singles Ward Relief Society campout, (we have one at least once a year) the question arose of what our greatest pet peeves were.

Some of the sisters claimed that they had no pet peeves for nothing bothered them. I must not be as perfected as they are yet, for I most definitely have some. I found myself nodding my head when some of my sisters answered,

-When someone chews with their mouth open

-Couples making out in public

-When someone is always putting them self down

-When couples are always putting down their other half

-Gossip, crudeness, or general meanness

When it finally came my time to answer, I had to stop and think for a moment. What is my greatest pet peeve? For, though these things may annoy me, I can normally, but not always, brush them off. Yet there is one thing that bothers me to no end. What is that? Cell phones in church or during important meetings.

Being a young single adult, I see this all too often. It is a common thing to hear the request at the beginning of a movie, class, or meeting to, "Please turn off your cell phone!" And yet then invariably sometime during the said event someone's cell phone goes off. When this happens the person with the cell phone always feels embarrassed and normally doesn't even answer the call, but instead fumbles with their phone to stop the ringing. However by that time, the person speaking has already been interrupted, and the rest of the audience distracted.

I have heard it referred to as an addiction of having to know who wants to speak to you as the reason why some people never turn their cell phone off, not even at church where they specifically ask you to do so. Today it is not just phones ringing that are a distraction in church, but the constant texting that is going on.

In a message given in the August 2007 New Era about texting and cell phones Russell and Brad Wilcox said,

"Like all communication tools, cell phones with text messaging capabilities can be positive or negative depending on how they are used. Stories can be told of a texted birthday greeting that made someone's day or a disaster that was avoided because someone was warned quickly and effectively in a text message. Still, not-so-positive stories can also be told of teenagers texting their friends during Sunday School or seminary lessons, of people being hurt by the content of a message received, or, …of people avoiding or disregarding those around them in favor of texting someone else." Keep Texting from Taking Over, Russell and Brad Wilcox

Two Sundays ago one of our high councilors in our Stake, issued a challenge to all of us Single Adults in his talk about preparing for our upcoming General Conference. He challenged us to turn off our cell phones during Conference this year. This wise high councilor said that though it is nice to know who wants to speak to us that at conference time we know who wants to speak to us. For the Lord said that,

"What I the Lord have spoken, I have spoken, and I excuse not myself; and though the heavens and the earth pass away, my word shall not pass away, but shall all be fulfilled, whether by mine own voice or by the voice of my servants, it is the same." Doctrine and Covenants 1:38

At conference time the Lord is trying to speak to us. The words that will be spoken by the Prophet, Apostles, and General Authorities of the church, are really the words of the Lord. And the message He wants to give us will bless us more than any message we could receive from one of our earthly friends. This is the same for our regular church meetings, however if this is too big a step, then I challenge my readers to start with General Conference (the coming weekend) and see what a difference it makes.

A number of years ago when I first joined my stake singles ward, I had a Relief Society Lesson that changed my life. I no longer recall all the details of the lesson, but there is one part that I will never forget.

The sister who was teaching Relief Society that Sunday, was a nurse. She works with babies, specifically premature ones. She told us that part of her responsibility was to visit the babies in their home after they were released from the hospital to give them checkups etc… Normally she enjoyed these checkups, but there was one home she always dreaded to go. It was a small home, and the only surface she could lay the baby upon to do the check up was a small coffee table in the front living room. Normally this wouldn't bother her, except that the parents always had the TV on and what they were watching was not something she ever wanted stored in her mind.

For weeks she struggled to just keep her head down and focus on the baby to get through the checkup as fast as she could and then leave. Yet, no matter how hard she concentrated, she could not block out what was being shown just a foot away from her head. Her quiet humming could block out the noise, but somehow no matter how hard she tried there she would always leave with at least one more unwanted image ingrained in her mind.

Then one morning while studying The Book of Mormon, she came across a powerful verse of scripture:

"And they pitched their tents round about the temple, every man having his tent with the door thereof towards the temple, that thereby they might remain in their tents and hear the words which King Benjamin should speak unto them." Mosiah 2:6

In her study that day my friend cross-referenced that scripture with this scripture,

"Abram dwelled in the land of Canaan, and Lot dwelled in the cities of the plain, and pitched his tent toward Sodom." Genesis 13:12

What an amazing difference the direction of their tents made in the lives of these two people. The first people pitched their tents toward the Temple of God, and the Lord's Prophet and they were greatly blessed because of it in so many ways. However, Lot pitched his tent toward Sodom, and the world, and in the end he lost everything including his wife.

After reading these two scriptures, my friend made a decision in how to handle this difficult circumstance. The next time she went to do the checkup, instead of just bending her head, she repositioned herself so that her back was to the TV all together. She said that this made all the difference in the world.

At this point she told us that we all have a choice to make. It was up to us to decide which direction we were going to pitch our tents in our lives. She reminded us that right now, in our single lives, we have the most freedom to rearrange the direction of our tents if needed. Later on when we have more permanently established our lives with our spouse and children it will be much more difficult to do so.

One cannot be strong all the time. Or at least I have not figured out yet how to be, though I am generally a happy person, and I try to look at the bright side of things. Every now and then the realities of my life come crashing down upon me. In those moments when I look at my life as it has been and compare it to the life I planned, I have my small moments of struggle. Now it isn't as if I haven't lead a good life, or that I haven't been greatly blessed in my life. It's just that as Anne Shirley (in the book Anne of Green Gables) couldn't imagine her red hair away, I cannot imagine away that I am twenty-five, a return missionary, and an oh so, single adult.

It's not just that I am not married. Oh, no it goes far beyond that. In my 25 years of existence (never mind the fact that I didn't start dating till I was 16) I have never had a single relationship. If truth were to be told, I have gone on fewer dates in my entire life, then most of my friends have in a year.

This used to weigh on me very much. I used to constantly wonder what was wrong with me. Why it was that the only guys, who showed even the slightest interest were guys that I was least inclined to go out with. On the same note, the men whom I did like, never showed the least interest in me.

One night while with a friend the topic of conversation turned to this oh so touchy subject. Fighting back the tears of frustration, I asked this dear friend his opinion of what was wrong with me. I had tried to figure it out for years, and fix it myself, but no matter what improvements in my nature I made, the results always stayed the same. I was unwanted.

That night my friend looked me straight in the eyes, and told me most sincerely, that there was nothing wrong with me. I just hadn't found the right one. Where others had told me this before, never had I was able to accept this answer. Then my friend said the sweetest thing a friend could say. He told me that he couldn't wait to someday meet the man worthy enough to win my heart. For that man will be amazing. I asked him why he said that, and to this, my friend replied with a smile, that I deserve to be equally yoked in my eternal marriage, and God knows this.

That conversation made all the difference in my outlook of my life. Now, I have no idea how long I will have to wait for that one man who will make my waiting and preparation worth it, but that is okay. I don't need to know. I can have peace in happiness in my life right now, by focusing on doing and being whatever God has planned for me. As long as I do that, then the rest will come in it's own due time.

Gordon B. Hinckley, a prophet of God, said,

"To you single women and men who wish to be married I say this: Do not give up hope. And do not give up trying. But do give up being obsessed with it. The chances are that if you forget about it and become anxiously engaged in other activities, the prospects will brighten immeasurably." A Conversation With Singles, President Gordon B. Hinckley

Now why am I thinking and thus writing about this today? Well I just received an e-mail from that same friend I have just written about. (He is leaving to serve a full-time mission next week.) In his e-mail he sent this little thought about how women were like apples on a tree. His cousin had sent it to him, and he felt that I needed to see it. I am glad he sent it, for when I read it I was reminded of that conversation long ago which I admit I needed to remember.

"Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree."

I must admit, that I am an avid reader. So much so that I have on more than one occasion been called a bookworm. When I was a child (when I first started really reading,) one of my favorite book series, was Choose Your Own Adventure. In these books, there were many moments of decision. The reader would have to make a choice of action, which would send him/her to a designated page to continue the story. Each choice made had a drastic effect to the outcome of the adventure story.

Like these children's adventure books, we all have moments of decision in our lives. In these moments the choices we make have a drastic effect on the outcome to our own life story.

Some of our important choices we can make while we are young, so that when the moment of decision comes in our young adult lives, the choice is already made. Some of these decisions include:

What moral standards will I live by?

Whom will I serve? (The Lord)

Where will I marry? (The Temple)

What habits do I want to break and/or establish?

However other important choices must be made right then in the years of Young Single Adulthood, like:

What education should I gain to provide for my future?

Whom should I date?

Whom should I marry?

Knowing the importance and impact these choices will have in our lives, some young adults try to avoid making them, but that in itself is a choice.

"Some of our important choices have a time line. If we delay a decision, the opportunity is gone forever. Sometimes our doubts keep us from making a choice that involves change. Thus, an opportunity may be missed. As someone once said, "When you have to make a choice and don't make it, that in itself is a choice." Choices, President James E. Faust, Liahona, May 2004

Yet, our Father in Heaven tells us that we have no need to fear. He has given us the tools necessary to be able to make the right choices with confidence, and peace. What tools are we given?

First, He has given us the great example of His Son Jesus Christ. By looking at the Savior’s life and following His example we can know the sort of life to live. When we know the general sort of life we should live to receive happiness, we definitely know what sort of choices we should make to keep in line with that sort of life.

Second, we have the Holy Scriptures and a Living Prophet who are given to us that we may receive guidance and direction in every aspect of our lives.

Third, we have been given the gift of the Holy Ghost to be our companion to guide and direct us in our lives. When we are in tune and obedient to His still small voice, we never have to fear making the wrong choices.

Now, sometimes we do make mistakes. The Lord knew we would. That is why He sent His Only Begotten Son to bring about the Atonement. Alma explained this in the Book of Mormon when he taught:

"And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.

And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.

Now the Spirit knoweth all things; nevertheless the Son of God suffereth according to the flesh that he might take upon him the sins of his people, that he might blot out their transgressions according to the power of his deliverance; and now behold, this is the testimony which is in me." Alma 7:11-13

In knowing all this, let us take new courage in facing these most important choices in our lives by applying all the tools that God has given us to insure our happiness and eternal joy.

When I was a little girl I used to have the most terrifying nightmares, every night. It got to the point where I would do anything to be able to avoid sleep.

My parents, not knowing about the nightmares, thought that I was just trying to stay up late. So they made the rule that if any of the children were going to stay up in our household after bedtime they would be put to work. When this tactic didn't work to get me to go to bed, like it did my older siblings, my parents knew that something was wrong.

When I told my mother that I was avoiding sleep because of my nightmares, she asked me if when I prayed at night, I asked the Lord to watch over me while I slept and asked for him to send me good dreams.

Where prayer had been a constant part of my life from my earliest years, and where my prayers always covered many things, I had never thought to ask the Lord to give me good dreams.

I still remember that evening all those years ago, when I confided in my mother about my nightmares. It will forever be ingrained in me how after our conversation, my mother knelt down beside me, and while encircling me in her arms prayed to our Heavenly Father in my behalf. She asked Him to send His angels to protect me and to give me good dreams so that I would not have to fear sleep. That night was the first night in weeks that I slept in peace.

Years later, as a young adult, I again experienced trouble sleeping. This time, bad dreams did not keep me awake. It was the realities and responsibilities of adulthood which weighed so heavily upon my mind and heart.

Again, my wise mother knew something was wrong. When I told her what was on my mind, she asked me if I had taken my concerns to the Lord in prayer. I had, but I still couldn't stop thinking about them and so I could not get to sleep easily. When I told her this, Mother pulled out her scriptures and read me this,

"Yea, and cry unto God for all thy support; yea, let all thy doings be unto the Lord, and whithersoever thou goest let it be in the Lord; yea, let all thy thoughts be directed unto the Lord; yea, let the affections of thy heart be placed upon the Lord forever.

Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings, and he will direct thee for good; yea, when thou liest down at night lie down unto the Lord, that he may watch over you in your sleep; and when thou risest in the morning let thy heart be full of thanks unto God; and if ye do these things, ye shall be lifted up at the last day." Alma 37:36-37

What I needed was Faith. Not just faith to take my concerns to the Lord, I needed faith to then hand them over to Him completely. I needed to trust that He would take care of them. Once I learned how to do so, my nights were once more filled with peace despite the added pressure of being a single adult in this crazy world. And then, come morning, I found myself naturally feeling/expressing my gratitude to the Lord for watching over me and my concerns so that I could sleep in peace.

(P.S. When you wake in the morning after giving thanks to the Lord, don't take all those concerns back on you shoulders, continue in faith that He will carry them for you as you travel the course of the day.)

There is a topic that has weighed heavily upon my mind and heart for the past few weeks. I have some dear friends whom I fear are playing with fire. The worst part is that they either don't realize or won't accept that they are. What am I talking about? I am talking about moral cleanliness which is threatened by the fire of unbridled passion.

I am, apparently, not the only one concerned about this. There are countless talks given by our Prophet and Apostles to the young adults of the church on this topic. In the October 1990 General Conference Elder M. Russell Ballard began his talk with,

"The leaders of the Church care so deeply about every one of you that I feel an urgent need to warn you once again of the consequences of moral misconduct... We are aware that the youth of the Church are growing up in a world that is plagued with teenage moral misconduct. We also know that sexual sin has increased tremendously during the past 20 years. Far too many young people have violated the law of chastity. Unfortunately, the youth of the Church are not immune..." (Purity Precedes Power, October 1990 General Conference, Elder M. Russell Ballard)

First, I want you to know that my friends are all good people. They were raised with good standards, and would never (I hope) consciously do something to jeopardize their eternal happiness. And yet, when I see them with their girlfriends/boyfriends, I am afraid of just that. It seems that each time I see them together they are engaging in behavior that they never would have deemed appropriate just weeks before. Yet, they don't see anything wrong in what they are doing. When I tried to speak to them, they just responded by informing me that touch was his or her love language, and that, they haven't crossed the line, so it is, okay. Then they finish by saying I'll understand someday when I am finally in love.

I do understand, and that is why I am so concerned. Though most do not know this about me, touch is one of my main love languages, as well. However, it is because of this that touch evokes such powerful feelings in me, which I hold sacred and will not abuse by evoking inappropriately.

As for not crossing the line, we are given a line or standard, not so as to see how close we can get to it without crossing it, but so we can stay away from it. Commandments are for our protection. They keep us from pain if we will obey them and help us to have true and lasting happiness in this life. The closer we get to the line the more our perception and ability to think clearly are skewed. When this happens we lose self-control, and we become bound.

"Our youth seem confused about the definition of moral cleanliness. Some young men and women take a certain definition and then push it to its limits to see how far they can go without being immoral by that definition. … Because sexual intimacy is so sacred, the Lord requires self-control and purity before marriage, as well as, full fidelity after marriage. In dating, treat your date with respect, and expect your date to show that same respect to you. Never treat your date as an object to be used for your own lustful desires or ego. Improper physical contact can cause a loss of self-control. Always stay in control of yourself and your physical feelings" Away From the Blinding Dust, May New Era 1991, Elder M. Russell Ballard

Lastly, when I think about passion and love I think of the counsel given by the Prophet Alma to his son Shiblon,

"See that ye bridle all your passions, that ye may be filled with love."Alma 38:12

He did not tell his son to suppress, ignore, or snuff out his passions. He did not say passion was wrong or evil. What he did say was that to be filled with love (and not lust which can only destroy) that we need to bridle (control or properly direct) our passions.

"Sometimes people try to convince themselves that sexual relations outside of marriage are acceptable if the participants love one another. This is not true. Breaking the law of chastity and encouraging someone else to do so is not an expression of love. People who love each other,will never endanger one another's happiness and safety in exchange for temporary personal pleasure.

When people care for one another, enough to keep the law of chastity, their love, trust, and commitment increase, resulting in greater happiness and unity. In contrast, relationships built on sexual immorality sour quickly. Those who engage in sexual immorality often feel fear, guilt, and shame. Bitterness, jealousy, and hatred soon replace any positive feelings that once existed in their relationship." Chastity, Gospel Library,
Gospel Topics

If any have gone too far (if you are not sure if your conduct has gone too far then talk to your bishop or branch president). Then there is still hope in the Atonement. The path to repentance and complete forgiveness in overcoming this sin is difficult, but doable. Go and talk to your Bishop or Branch President today, and he will help you to do so.

I have been blessed in knowing how to be wise in my financial stewardships. I learned how to be from my parents when I was still a small child. My parents taught me to be both imaginative and industrious in finding honest ways to earn money while growing up.

Once I earned money, I was taught that the FIRST thing I needed to do (first as in before anything else) was to set aside 10% to the Lord in tithing. After all, everything I have, I received from the Lord, and all He asks for in return is 10% to be used in the building of His kingdom.

Next, I was taught to set aside money into short-term and long-term savings. The short-term savings allowed me to think ahead so that I could pay for things of value, and also cover emergencies so that I would be able to avoid having to use credit and incurring debt. This is important for debt is not something you want to get caught up in.

"Some forms of credit, such as credit cards, have particularly high interest rates. Once you are in debt, you find that interest has no mercy. It continues to accumulate, regardless of your situation—whether you are employed or jobless, healthy or sick. It never goes away until the debt is paid. Do not be deceived by credit offers, even if they make debt seem attractive by promising low interest rates or no interest for a certain period of time." Debt, True to The Faith

The long-term savings is basically setting aside for my future retirement. For it is smart to start doing so while you are still young. The sooner you can retire the better. Normally I set aside 10% into each of these funds.

Then I was taught (mostly by example) to set aside money for those in need. Normally, the Lord blesses us so that we in turn can bless those around us. I love King Benjamin's discourse, in the Book of Mormon, on taking care of the needy.

"And also, ye yourselves will succor those that stand in need of your succor; ye will administer of your substance unto him that standeth in need; and ye will not suffer that the beggar putteth up his petition to you in vain, and turn him out to perish.

Perhaps thou shalt say: The man has brought upon himself his misery; therefore I will stay my hand, and will not give unto him of my food, nor impart unto him of my substance that he may not suffer, for his punishments are just—

But I say unto you, O man, whosoever doeth this the same hath great cause to repent; and except he repenteth of that which he hath done he perisheth forever, and hath no interest in the kingdom of God.

For behold, are we not all beggars? Do we not all depend upon the same Being, even God, for all the substance which we have, for both food and raiment, and for gold, and for silver, and for all the riches which we have of every kind?" Mosiah 4:16-19

Again, I usually set aside 10% to give in philanthropy whether through once-a-month fast offerings, or wherever I see a need. Somehow there is always enough to do so, and take care of my needs, as well.

My remaining funds were mine to do with as I pleased. However, I was warned by my parents as the Prophet Nephi warned his people more than two thousand years ago,

"Wherefore, do not spend money for that which is of no worth, nor your labor for that which cannot satisfy." 2 Nephi 9:51

I was warned that when I grew older that I would have financial obligations in the form of bills which I would have to pay out of that remaining 60% of my earnings. Yet, if I practiced wisdom in my spending and sacrificed a few of my temporary wants to stay out of debt and live within my income that I would be blessed with peace of mind, and that I would have nothing to fear in the financial storms that would come my way.

"Look to the condition of your finances. Discipline yourself in your purchases, avoiding debt to the extent you can. In most cases, you can avoid debt by managing your resources wisely. If you do incur debt, such as a reasonable amount in order to purchase a modest home or complete your education, work to repay it as quickly as possible and free yourself from bondage. When you have paid your debts and accumulated some savings, you will be prepared for financial storms that may come your way. You will have shelter for your family and peace in your heart" Debt, True to The Faith

I am so grateful that I was taught this while still in my childhood. I have been blessed with much peace and security in handling my finances as I was taught. Many of my single adult friends either were not taught as I was, or chose not to follow the teachings of their parents on this subject. Because of this, they are in major debt, and live paycheck to paycheck, never knowing how they will make ends meet, from month to month, and they dare not even think of how this debt would affect a new marriage.

For those who are in the same financial difficulties as many of my friends, I would say to you, "Don't give up!" It may be difficult, but there is a way to free yourself from your financial bondage. There is a great article in the July 2002 Ensign entitled Climbing Out of Debt. I encourage you to read it and apply the counsel given therein.

This Easter Season, I have spent much time contemplating the record in the New Testament about the interactions, and teachings of our Savior Jesus Christ. This morning I have spent time pondering the story of Mary and Martha, and how it applies to us Single Adults today.

Mary, Martha, and their brother Lazarus lived together in the small town of Bethany. They were all beloved friends and followers of Jesus Christ. The fact that Jesus felt safe, and welcome in their home as testified by His often visiting them whenever He was in the area, speaks much of what sort of people they were. There is one particular visit to Mary and Martha however, which has occupied my mind these last few days. In his book, Jesus the Christ, President James E. Talmage speaks of this visit,

"Martha was housekeeper, and therefore she assumed responsibility for the proper treatment of the distinguished Guest. While she busied herself with preparations and "was cumbered about much serving," well intended for the comfort and entertainment of Jesus, Mary sat at the Master's feet, listening with reverent attention to His words. Martha grew fretful in her bustling anxiety, and came in, saying: "Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? bid her therefore that she help me." She was talking to Jesus but really at Mary. For the moment she had lost her calmness in undue worry over incidental details... He replied to her complaining words with marked tenderness: "Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: but one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her."

There was no reproof of Martha's desire to provide well; nor any sanction of possible neglect on Mary's part… He desired not well-served meals and material comforts only, but the company of the sisters, and above all their receptive attention to what He had to say. He had more to give them than they could possibly provide for Him." James E. Talmage, Jesus the Christ pg 433, 434

Christ had something most precious to give to His dear friends, and yet one of them almost missed receiving it; because she was caught up with doing that which she thought was important.

This to me is such a powerful lesson in how I need to prioritize my life. Too often I find myself, like Martha before me, filling my time with good things at the expense of that which is better. This I believe is a major problem with Single Adults. We are being distracted, and detoured, and overwhelmed by all the good things in our lives that we too often lose sight completely of the better or best things. In his October 2007 General Conference Address, Elder Dallin H. Oaks of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, said about this,

"We should begin by recognizing the reality that just because something is good is not a sufficient reason for doing it. The number of good things we can do far exceeds the time available to accomplish them. Some things are better than good, and these are the things that should command priority attention in our lives." Good, Better, Best, Elder Dallin H. Oaks, October 2007 General Conference

So how do we discern what the better part is? How do I know what is most needful? For what is most needful in one moment is not in another? For this, all I can say is to trust in the Holy Spirit to guide us. We as members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints have been given the most precious gift of the companionship of the Holy Ghost if we will but be worthy and receive it.

The spirit will, as Nephi told his brethren, show us all things which we should do. He will guide us when we know not what to do. He will help us to always see the better part. And he will give us course corrections when we have made the wrong choices. When we follow the spirit, we are always right, and have nothing to fear.

Over the years I have had many single adult friends say that the reason they don't like singles wards is because there are so many people in them, which makes it impossible not to fall through the cracks.

However, I have also heard this said about school and even work where the numbers of people differ. So, if it is not necessarily the number of people involved that brings this unwanted phenomenon about, then what is it that causes more and more people to feel this way? Even more important, how do we stop this from happening?

As I have pondered these two questions, I have come to the conclusion that it is not the environment, but rather the attitude and choices of the person involved which decided whether or not they "fall through the cracks" As they call it.

So, if it is in the individuals hands, then what can he or she do to keep this from happening? I have three suggestions:

1. Instead of waiting for others to seek you out to meet and get to know you, be the first to act.

Chances are that the other person feels the same way that you do. Imagine how many friends are just a smile and a friendly hello away.

2. When you join a new ward, don't wait to receive a calling and Home Teaching/Visiting Teaching assignment. Again, be proactive and go up to your new bishop and Elders Quorum/Relief Society President and ask to be given a calling and assignment right away.

Serving is not only a good way to make true and enduring friends, but is also a way to quickly find your place.

3. Participate in church Activities.

Church activities are a time and place to relax, and have fun. They are also a great place to mingle and get to know lots of people, who you usually see in passing at church.

Yes, all of these suggestions require one to be proactive and put themselves forward, but if you will do so there is no way you will get lost in the cracks.

“While the word proactivity is now fairly common in management literature, it is a word you won't find in most dictionaries. It means more than merely taking initiative. It means that as human beings, we are responsible for our own lives. Our behavior is a function of our decisions, not our conditions.” Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, by Stephen R. Covey

I will always be grateful for the missionaries who taught my Father's family the gospel just before he was born, and for the missionaries who taught my mother and aunt the gospel when they were in their teens.

I cannot help but think that, if my parents had not been taught the gospel then:

- Mom and Dad would never have attended BYU, and subsequently they probably would have never met, and gotten married.

- I would have never been born nor my six other siblings. (And if I was born) My life would have been much different, and probably not for the better.

- Mom and Dad would have led drastically different lives, which would have affected what kind of parent they would have become.

Like I said, I will forever be grateful to these four amazing men. They each will hold a special place in my heart for the rest of my life.

Each one of these young men made the sacrifice to take two years out of the prime of their young adult lives to serve The Lord and their fellow men. It is not easy to leave your family, and friends to go far from home, forget about themselves, and think instead of God and their fellow men. They spent countless hours every day giving service wherever service was needed, teaching those who would receive them, and endlessly praying to God for guidance, inspiration, and help in their work.

But even before they left on their missions these young men paid the price to be worthy for the service they were called of God to give.

"Behold, there are many called, but few are chosen. And why are they not chosen? Because their hearts are set so much upon the things of this world, and aspire to the honors of men…" Doctrine and Covenants Section 121:34-35

Each of the young men also paid the price to be prepared to serve. This preparation is not something that can be done over night. It takes time, discipline, and desire to pay the price to follow the counsel given by the Lord to those who desire to teach His gospel.

"Seek not to declare my word, but first seek to obtain my word, and then shall your tongue be loosed; then, if you desire, you shall have my Spirit and my word, yea, the power of God unto the convincing of men." Doctrine and Covenants Section 11:21

Like these four young men who have so incredibly blessed my family through service, so many years ago, I am overjoyed every time I see another one of my young adult friends make the choice to live worthily, be prepared, and leave on missions of their own. For I know that there are so many out there in search of the gospel like Amos prophesied, and who as the Lord put it are kept from the truth because they know not where to find it.

"Now is the moment in the timetable of the Lord to carry the gospel farther than it has ever been carried before. . . . Many a person in this world is crying, knowingly and unknowingly, 'Come over . . . and help us.' He might be your neighbor. She might be your friend. He might be a relative. She might be someone you met only yesterday. But we have what they need. Let us take new courage from our studies and pray, as did Peter, 'And now, Lord, . . . grant unto thy servants, that with all boldness they may speak thy word.' (Acts 4:29)" (Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball [1982], 546)

A couple of weeks ago my younger sister (younger by six ½ years) got married in the Mt. Timpanogos Temple. Since that day, I cannot count the number of times that I have been asked, "So, how does it feel to have your younger sister married before you?"

(This was always asked with the implied and sometimes said: After all, you are a 25-year-old return missionary, who doesn't even have a boyfriend…)

Instead of pointing out how rude and inappropriate that question is, and that they should mind their own business as I would like to say, I graciously put a smile on my face and honestly reply that I am very happy for my little sister.

Yes, I will admit that for a brief moment at the beginning of their engagement I suffered from what my friend and I call a "Valancy Day" (This is a literary reference to my favorite L.M. Montgomery book entitled, The Blue Castle. For those of you who don't know, L.M. Montgomery is the famed author of the Anne of Green Gables Series.)

"One does not sleep well, sometimes, when one is twenty-nine on the morrow, and unmarried, in a community and connection where the unmarried are simply those who have failed to get a man…Ay, there lay the sting. Valancy did not mind so much being an old maid… What hurt her was that she had never had a chance to be anything but an old maid. No man had ever desired her." Excerpt from Chapter one of, The Blue Castle, L.M. Montgomery

However, like Valancy, I quickly pulled myself up and out of that blue mood which I was in, by focusing on what God has given me, not on what He has yet to give me.

Yes, a big part of me wishes that I was able to get married years ago when I was younger. A part of me wishes that I already had children of my own. Yet, I am so grateful for the blessing of being able to have served a full-time mission, to receive an amazing education, and that I have the current opportunity to serve as an Ordinance Worker in the Mt. Timpanogos Temple. All of which would have been either difficult or impossible to do if I had married and started having children years ago.

As Alma stated in the Book of Mormon,

"But behold, I am a man, and do sin in my wish; for I ought to be content with the things which the Lord hath allotted unto me.

I ought not to harrow up in my desires, the firm decree of a just God, for I know that he granteth unto men according to their desire, whether it be unto death or unto life; yea, I know that he allotteth unto men, yea, decreeth unto them decrees which are unalterable, according to their wills, whether they be unto salvation or unto destruction." Alma Chapter 29:3-4

So, even though my life has turned out differently than I planned, I am happy in all that God has allotted me. My life, my happiness is in His hands, and could I ask for more?

As for my sister, I was telling the truth when I said that I am happy for her. My younger sister is an amazing young woman, and I love her very much. How could I not then be happy that she has found an equally amazing young man to spend the eternities with?

Instead of attending a regular institute class at the nearby college, I usually opt to attend the once a week class put on by our stake. However, not to long ago I went with a visiting friend to two institute classes at the college. Where both classes were wonderful, I felt to write about the second class. I had never attended a dating and courtship class before (it's a matter of principle) but my friend insisted. I must say I was wonderfully surprised for it was nothing as I expected.

The lesson that day was on a topic I found most intriguing. It was on The Traditions of Our Fathers. The class started with the question, "What traditions are you going to continue or start with your future family?"

Normally when I think of traditions, I think of holiday activities. Yet, as I listened to my fellow students answer, my eyes were opened and began to realize that traditions go far beyond that. Here are a few of the Traditions mentioned:

-The Tradition to have weekly Family Home Evening

-The Tradition of daily personal and Family Prayer

-The Tradition of daily personal and Family Scripture Study

-The Tradition of telling your spouse and Children that you Love Them

-The Tradition of Family Dinner

-The Tradition of going to the Temple

-The Tradition of Modesty in how you dress and how you dress your children

In the class discussion we were told how powerful good traditions can be in the lives of our future children. Elder Donald L. Hallstrom of the Quorum of the Seventy reaffirmed this when he said,

"Of traditions which are complementary to the gospel of Jesus Christ, Paul admonished the Thessalonians, "Therefore, … stand fast, and hold the traditions which ye have been taught" (2 Thes. 2:15). In the Church, powerful traditions remind us of the strength and sacrifice of our ancestors and inspire our efforts. Among them are industry, frugality, and complete devotion to a righteous cause. Others are based on doctrine and standards which may seem peculiar to the world but are consistent with God's pattern. These include chaste behavior, modesty of dress, unpolluted language, Sabbath observance, adherence to the Word of Wisdom, and the payment of tithes… Uplifting traditions play a significant role in leading us toward the things of the Spirit. Those that promote love for Deity and unity in families and among people are especially important." Cultivate Righteous Traditions, Elder Donald L. Hallstrom

There are many blessings that come from establishing righteous traditions in our home. In the April 1990 General Conference, Elder Parry mentioned a few of them,

"If we will build righteous traditions in our families, the light of the gospel can grow ever brighter in the lives of our children from generation to generation. We can look forward to that glorious day when we will all be united together as eternal family units to reap the everlasting joy promised by our Eternal Father for His righteous children." April General Conference 1990, Family Traditions, Elder L. Tom Perry

Likewise if we fail to establish good traditions in our home, or establish bad traditions our families will be at the mercy of the world and all that such a thing brings with it. With that said I have many friends who were not raised in homes with good traditions. They have experienced the bad side of traditions and have had to fight to overcome them, and look for the examples of good traditions which God will bring into their life.

Sometimes God sends us into homes with good traditions, which we then are responsible for carrying them on. Other times God sends the example of good traditions into our lives that we may break the chain of bad traditions which we have been raised with and establish good traditions in our future home.

The time to decide what traditions you want to establish in your future home is now. That way, we can establish them from the start when it will be much easier to do so. Thus, we come back to that original question presented at the start of the class, "What traditions are you going to continue or start with your future family?"

Once we answer that question, then we can, and must, determine if we should begin the decided upon traditions right now or if we must write them down somewhere safe so that when it is the proper time and place we can implement them.

I am glad that I went to that Institute class with my friend. It gave me much to think about. I know that what was taught was true. It is vital that we as singles turn our thoughts and hearts to our future families and decide what traditions we will establish in our home that we may be good spouses and parents. That our families will be strong, and protected against the influences of the world, and stand the test of time

The temple has always been very important to me in my life. When I was a child, I looked forward to my twelfth birthday. For, on that day, I would be old enough to go into the Temples of God and begin to do a most holy work. For the next ten years I sought to go to the temple often to do, baptisms and confirmations, for those beyond the grave who had not the opportunity to do so for themselves while living.

Ten years later, in preparation for serving a mission, on my twenty-second birthday I was able to go through the Temple to receive higher saving ordinances for myself and make sacred covenants with the
Lord. On that day I promised myself that up until I left for my mission, and then once I returned home, that I would go often to do this much needed work for my ancestors.

For the next five ½ weeks till I left, and for the first two months after I returned from my mission I was good on my promise. Then I went back to school. That last year at college for me was a crazy time for me. I was living in Cedar City, attending a small classical liberal arts college. I had no car for money was tight and I did not wish to get in debt, so I walked everywhere. It wasn't so bad, for I only lived 2 miles from the college.

Trying to make up for last time, I took upon myself 27 credit hours the first semester, and 23 the next, while taking on the responsibilities of a student ambassador for my school as well. I had so much on my plate between college and my church callings that I found certain things began to fall through the cracks. Among which was my temple attendance. At first I did not realize this was happening. Yet, when I did, I did not know how I could do anything about it. The nearest Temple was in St. George a 50 minute drive away. And the fact was that I just didn't have the time, or means of transportation.

Then one day I was reading in my scriptures, and I read,

"And it came to pass that I, Nephi, said unto my father: I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them." 1 Nephi 3:7

Here Nephi and his brothers were asked what seemed to be an impossible task. They were commanded to go back to the great city of Jerusalem to retrieve the plates of brass. They tried and seemingly failed many times. Nephi's older brothers looked at the obstacles in their way of accomplishing God's task for them, and justified themselves in their inaction. Nephi however looked to the Lord, and held in his heart God's promise to prepare a way. Because of his faith in the Lord, Nephi was able to overcome all that stood in his way and accomplished what the Lord commanded.

When I realized that I was thinking and acting like Nephi's older brothers, instead of my hero, Nephi, I knelt down and poured my heart out to the Lord. I told him of the desire of my heart to be able to attend the temple. I then told Him all the obstacles in my way. I finished by placing it in His hands. I promised the Lord that if He would provide a way that I would attend the temple every week for the rest of my school year.

That very next day a friend approached me and told me that she was getting together, a group of friends to attend the temple with every Tuesday, and wanted to know if I was interested in going. She had a car, and if we could fill it then it would only cost $2 a trip.

I made the commitment to obey the Lord's will and attend the temple, and He made it possible. My week wasn't any less busy. My many responsibilities didn't just go away. Yet, when I put the Lord first, I still managed to do everything else that mattered. It wasn't always easy, but it was possible.

As a further blessing, I found that there was an added measure of the spirit in my life. I was closer to the Lord, and I had a greater sense of peace and direction while in the midst of my crazy life. Looking back now, I know that I only made it through that time in my life because of those blessing from attending the temple. That and I relearned a most important lesson in my life. If we wait to do the things of the Lord till they are convenient, then we will never do them, for they will rarely be convenient. Yet if we put the things of the Lord first, the Lord will make a way for us to accomplish them as well as those other important things in our life that we put on the side to do his will first.

"I too believe that God will always make a way where there is no way. I believe that if we will walk in obedience to the commandments of God, if we will follow the counsel of the priesthood, he will open a way even where there appears to be no way." If Ye Be Willing and Obedient, President Gordon B Hinckley