Young Single Adults

There is a topic that has weighed heavily upon my mind and heart for the past few weeks. I have some dear friends whom I fear are playing with fire. The worst part is that they either don't realize or won't accept that they are. What am I talking about? I am talking about moral cleanliness which is threatened by the fire of unbridled passion.

I am, apparently, not the only one concerned about this. There are countless talks given by our Prophet and Apostles to the young adults of the church on this topic. In the October 1990 General Conference Elder M. Russell Ballard began his talk with,

"The leaders of the Church care so deeply about every one of you that I feel an urgent need to warn you once again of the consequences of moral misconduct... We are aware that the youth of the Church are growing up in a world that is plagued with teenage moral misconduct. We also know that sexual sin has increased tremendously during the past 20 years. Far too many young people have violated the law of chastity. Unfortunately, the youth of the Church are not immune..." (Purity Precedes Power, October 1990 General Conference, Elder M. Russell Ballard)

First, I want you to know that my friends are all good people. They were raised with good standards, and would never (I hope) consciously do something to jeopardize their eternal happiness. And yet, when I see them with their girlfriends/boyfriends, I am afraid of just that. It seems that each time I see them together they are engaging in behavior that they never would have deemed appropriate just weeks before. Yet, they don't see anything wrong in what they are doing. When I tried to speak to them, they just responded by informing me that touch was his or her love language, and that, they haven't crossed the line, so it is, okay. Then they finish by saying I'll understand someday when I am finally in love.

I do understand, and that is why I am so concerned. Though most do not know this about me, touch is one of my main love languages, as well. However, it is because of this that touch evokes such powerful feelings in me, which I hold sacred and will not abuse by evoking inappropriately.

As for not crossing the line, we are given a line or standard, not so as to see how close we can get to it without crossing it, but so we can stay away from it. Commandments are for our protection. They keep us from pain if we will obey them and help us to have true and lasting happiness in this life. The closer we get to the line the more our perception and ability to think clearly are skewed. When this happens we lose self-control, and we become bound.

"Our youth seem confused about the definition of moral cleanliness. Some young men and women take a certain definition and then push it to its limits to see how far they can go without being immoral by that definition. … Because sexual intimacy is so sacred, the Lord requires self-control and purity before marriage, as well as, full fidelity after marriage. In dating, treat your date with respect, and expect your date to show that same respect to you. Never treat your date as an object to be used for your own lustful desires or ego. Improper physical contact can cause a loss of self-control. Always stay in control of yourself and your physical feelings" Away From the Blinding Dust, May New Era 1991, Elder M. Russell Ballard

Lastly, when I think about passion and love I think of the counsel given by the Prophet Alma to his son Shiblon,

"See that ye bridle all your passions, that ye may be filled with love."Alma 38:12

He did not tell his son to suppress, ignore, or snuff out his passions. He did not say passion was wrong or evil. What he did say was that to be filled with love (and not lust which can only destroy) that we need to bridle (control or properly direct) our passions.

"Sometimes people try to convince themselves that sexual relations outside of marriage are acceptable if the participants love one another. This is not true. Breaking the law of chastity and encouraging someone else to do so is not an expression of love. People who love each other,will never endanger one another's happiness and safety in exchange for temporary personal pleasure.

When people care for one another, enough to keep the law of chastity, their love, trust, and commitment increase, resulting in greater happiness and unity. In contrast, relationships built on sexual immorality sour quickly. Those who engage in sexual immorality often feel fear, guilt, and shame. Bitterness, jealousy, and hatred soon replace any positive feelings that once existed in their relationship." Chastity, Gospel Library,
Gospel Topics

If any have gone too far (if you are not sure if your conduct has gone too far then talk to your bishop or branch president). Then there is still hope in the Atonement. The path to repentance and complete forgiveness in overcoming this sin is difficult, but doable. Go and talk to your Bishop or Branch President today, and he will help you to do so.

I have been blessed in knowing how to be wise in my financial stewardships. I learned how to be from my parents when I was still a small child. My parents taught me to be both imaginative and industrious in finding honest ways to earn money while growing up.

Once I earned money, I was taught that the FIRST thing I needed to do (first as in before anything else) was to set aside 10% to the Lord in tithing. After all, everything I have, I received from the Lord, and all He asks for in return is 10% to be used in the building of His kingdom.

Next, I was taught to set aside money into short-term and long-term savings. The short-term savings allowed me to think ahead so that I could pay for things of value, and also cover emergencies so that I would be able to avoid having to use credit and incurring debt. This is important for debt is not something you want to get caught up in.

"Some forms of credit, such as credit cards, have particularly high interest rates. Once you are in debt, you find that interest has no mercy. It continues to accumulate, regardless of your situation—whether you are employed or jobless, healthy or sick. It never goes away until the debt is paid. Do not be deceived by credit offers, even if they make debt seem attractive by promising low interest rates or no interest for a certain period of time." Debt, True to The Faith

The long-term savings is basically setting aside for my future retirement. For it is smart to start doing so while you are still young. The sooner you can retire the better. Normally I set aside 10% into each of these funds.

Then I was taught (mostly by example) to set aside money for those in need. Normally, the Lord blesses us so that we in turn can bless those around us. I love King Benjamin's discourse, in the Book of Mormon, on taking care of the needy.

"And also, ye yourselves will succor those that stand in need of your succor; ye will administer of your substance unto him that standeth in need; and ye will not suffer that the beggar putteth up his petition to you in vain, and turn him out to perish.

Perhaps thou shalt say: The man has brought upon himself his misery; therefore I will stay my hand, and will not give unto him of my food, nor impart unto him of my substance that he may not suffer, for his punishments are just—

But I say unto you, O man, whosoever doeth this the same hath great cause to repent; and except he repenteth of that which he hath done he perisheth forever, and hath no interest in the kingdom of God.

For behold, are we not all beggars? Do we not all depend upon the same Being, even God, for all the substance which we have, for both food and raiment, and for gold, and for silver, and for all the riches which we have of every kind?" Mosiah 4:16-19

Again, I usually set aside 10% to give in philanthropy whether through once-a-month fast offerings, or wherever I see a need. Somehow there is always enough to do so, and take care of my needs, as well.

My remaining funds were mine to do with as I pleased. However, I was warned by my parents as the Prophet Nephi warned his people more than two thousand years ago,

"Wherefore, do not spend money for that which is of no worth, nor your labor for that which cannot satisfy." 2 Nephi 9:51

I was warned that when I grew older that I would have financial obligations in the form of bills which I would have to pay out of that remaining 60% of my earnings. Yet, if I practiced wisdom in my spending and sacrificed a few of my temporary wants to stay out of debt and live within my income that I would be blessed with peace of mind, and that I would have nothing to fear in the financial storms that would come my way.

"Look to the condition of your finances. Discipline yourself in your purchases, avoiding debt to the extent you can. In most cases, you can avoid debt by managing your resources wisely. If you do incur debt, such as a reasonable amount in order to purchase a modest home or complete your education, work to repay it as quickly as possible and free yourself from bondage. When you have paid your debts and accumulated some savings, you will be prepared for financial storms that may come your way. You will have shelter for your family and peace in your heart" Debt, True to The Faith

I am so grateful that I was taught this while still in my childhood. I have been blessed with much peace and security in handling my finances as I was taught. Many of my single adult friends either were not taught as I was, or chose not to follow the teachings of their parents on this subject. Because of this, they are in major debt, and live paycheck to paycheck, never knowing how they will make ends meet, from month to month, and they dare not even think of how this debt would affect a new marriage.

For those who are in the same financial difficulties as many of my friends, I would say to you, "Don't give up!" It may be difficult, but there is a way to free yourself from your financial bondage. There is a great article in the July 2002 Ensign entitled Climbing Out of Debt. I encourage you to read it and apply the counsel given therein.

This Easter Season, I have spent much time contemplating the record in the New Testament about the interactions, and teachings of our Savior Jesus Christ. This morning I have spent time pondering the story of Mary and Martha, and how it applies to us Single Adults today.

Mary, Martha, and their brother Lazarus lived together in the small town of Bethany. They were all beloved friends and followers of Jesus Christ. The fact that Jesus felt safe, and welcome in their home as testified by His often visiting them whenever He was in the area, speaks much of what sort of people they were. There is one particular visit to Mary and Martha however, which has occupied my mind these last few days. In his book, Jesus the Christ, President James E. Talmage speaks of this visit,

"Martha was housekeeper, and therefore she assumed responsibility for the proper treatment of the distinguished Guest. While she busied herself with preparations and "was cumbered about much serving," well intended for the comfort and entertainment of Jesus, Mary sat at the Master's feet, listening with reverent attention to His words. Martha grew fretful in her bustling anxiety, and came in, saying: "Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? bid her therefore that she help me." She was talking to Jesus but really at Mary. For the moment she had lost her calmness in undue worry over incidental details... He replied to her complaining words with marked tenderness: "Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: but one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her."

There was no reproof of Martha's desire to provide well; nor any sanction of possible neglect on Mary's part… He desired not well-served meals and material comforts only, but the company of the sisters, and above all their receptive attention to what He had to say. He had more to give them than they could possibly provide for Him." James E. Talmage, Jesus the Christ pg 433, 434

Christ had something most precious to give to His dear friends, and yet one of them almost missed receiving it; because she was caught up with doing that which she thought was important.

This to me is such a powerful lesson in how I need to prioritize my life. Too often I find myself, like Martha before me, filling my time with good things at the expense of that which is better. This I believe is a major problem with Single Adults. We are being distracted, and detoured, and overwhelmed by all the good things in our lives that we too often lose sight completely of the better or best things. In his October 2007 General Conference Address, Elder Dallin H. Oaks of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, said about this,

"We should begin by recognizing the reality that just because something is good is not a sufficient reason for doing it. The number of good things we can do far exceeds the time available to accomplish them. Some things are better than good, and these are the things that should command priority attention in our lives." Good, Better, Best, Elder Dallin H. Oaks, October 2007 General Conference

So how do we discern what the better part is? How do I know what is most needful? For what is most needful in one moment is not in another? For this, all I can say is to trust in the Holy Spirit to guide us. We as members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints have been given the most precious gift of the companionship of the Holy Ghost if we will but be worthy and receive it.

The spirit will, as Nephi told his brethren, show us all things which we should do. He will guide us when we know not what to do. He will help us to always see the better part. And he will give us course corrections when we have made the wrong choices. When we follow the spirit, we are always right, and have nothing to fear.