Young Single Adults

Right now my mother is reading Pollyanna to my youngest sister. They are both enjoying it immensely, just as I did when I first discovered this written story. There are many great lessons that can be gleaned from this children's classic.

For me the most powerful of the lessons taught is how to play "The Glad Game,” and why it is so important that we do so. It is possible to see things as they are and yet at the same time focus on the good side of them. To do so takes a conscious choice on our part, which may not always be easy to do, but it is always possible.

I am reminded of a quote my father has on the wall of his office which says,

"In this life trials and tribulations are mandatory, but misery is optional."-unknown

I know that this is true. It may not be in our power to always control what happens to us in our life, but it is always in our power to decide how we will look at, and thus react to what happens to us. President Gordon B. Hinckley, the fifteenth President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (aka The Mormons) has counseled,

"I am asking that we stop seeking out the storms and enjoy more fully the sunlight. I am suggesting that as we go through life we "accentuate the positive." I am asking that we look a little deeper for the good…What I am suggesting is that each of us turn from the negativism that so permeates our society and look for the remarkable good…" The Spirit of Optimism, New Era July 2001, President Gordon B. Hinckley

I look at the lives of my many single adult friends. All of them have their own personal trials which they struggle through day to day. Some of my friends are so weighed down by these trials to the point of bordering on depression, and despondency, or anger; others seem to find an inner peace, strength, and even happiness despite everything. The difference is what they focus on. Or in other words, their attitude.

My friends, who seek to look for the good in their lives and hold that as their focus, are generally happy, where those who focus on all the trials and hardships are not. It is that simple. My Mission President would often remind me that if I looked for the good then I would always find it, but if I focused on the bad then soon that would be all I would be able to see.

In seeking to apply this principle in my life, I have found a strength I did not know that I had, to overcome hardship and find happiness and peace in the midst of the storms of my life. Whenever something bad happens in my life (like how I recently tore all the ligaments in my left ankle), I immediately try to play the "Glad Game" and seek to figure out what I can be grateful for.

In the incident of my ankle, I was grateful that I didn't damage it enough to need surgery. I was grateful to be able to borrow crutches to help me get around. I was grateful for loving friends and family who have taken such good care of me….Really the list can go on and on.

When I was a little girl I used to have the most terrifying nightmares, every night. It got to the point where I would do anything to be able to avoid sleep.

My parents, not knowing about the nightmares, thought that I was just trying to stay up late. So they made the rule that if any of the children were going to stay up in our household after bedtime they would be put to work. When this tactic didn't work to get me to go to bed, like it did my older siblings, my parents knew that something was wrong.

When I told my mother that I was avoiding sleep because of my nightmares, she asked me if when I prayed at night, I asked the Lord to watch over me while I slept and asked for him to send me good dreams.

Where prayer had been a constant part of my life from my earliest years, and where my prayers always covered many things, I had never thought to ask the Lord to give me good dreams.

I still remember that evening all those years ago, when I confided in my mother about my nightmares. It will forever be ingrained in me how after our conversation, my mother knelt down beside me, and while encircling me in her arms prayed to our Heavenly Father in my behalf. She asked Him to send His angels to protect me and to give me good dreams so that I would not have to fear sleep. That night was the first night in weeks that I slept in peace.

Years later, as a young adult, I again experienced trouble sleeping. This time, bad dreams did not keep me awake. It was the realities and responsibilities of adulthood which weighed so heavily upon my mind and heart.

Again, my wise mother knew something was wrong. When I told her what was on my mind, she asked me if I had taken my concerns to the Lord in prayer. I had, but I still couldn't stop thinking about them and so I could not get to sleep easily. When I told her this, Mother pulled out her scriptures and read me this,

"Yea, and cry unto God for all thy support; yea, let all thy doings be unto the Lord, and whithersoever thou goest let it be in the Lord; yea, let all thy thoughts be directed unto the Lord; yea, let the affections of thy heart be placed upon the Lord forever.

Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings, and he will direct thee for good; yea, when thou liest down at night lie down unto the Lord, that he may watch over you in your sleep; and when thou risest in the morning let thy heart be full of thanks unto God; and if ye do these things, ye shall be lifted up at the last day." Alma 37:36-37

What I needed was Faith. Not just faith to take my concerns to the Lord, I needed faith to then hand them over to Him completely. I needed to trust that He would take care of them. Once I learned how to do so, my nights were once more filled with peace despite the added pressure of being a single adult in this crazy world. And then, come morning, I found myself naturally feeling/expressing my gratitude to the Lord for watching over me and my concerns so that I could sleep in peace.

(P.S. When you wake in the morning after giving thanks to the Lord, don't take all those concerns back on you shoulders, continue in faith that He will carry them for you as you travel the course of the day.)

This Easter Season, I have spent much time contemplating the record in the New Testament about the interactions, and teachings of our Savior Jesus Christ. This morning I have spent time pondering the story of Mary and Martha, and how it applies to us Single Adults today.

Mary, Martha, and their brother Lazarus lived together in the small town of Bethany. They were all beloved friends and followers of Jesus Christ. The fact that Jesus felt safe, and welcome in their home as testified by His often visiting them whenever He was in the area, speaks much of what sort of people they were. There is one particular visit to Mary and Martha however, which has occupied my mind these last few days. In his book, Jesus the Christ, President James E. Talmage speaks of this visit,

"Martha was housekeeper, and therefore she assumed responsibility for the proper treatment of the distinguished Guest. While she busied herself with preparations and "was cumbered about much serving," well intended for the comfort and entertainment of Jesus, Mary sat at the Master's feet, listening with reverent attention to His words. Martha grew fretful in her bustling anxiety, and came in, saying: "Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? bid her therefore that she help me." She was talking to Jesus but really at Mary. For the moment she had lost her calmness in undue worry over incidental details... He replied to her complaining words with marked tenderness: "Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: but one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her."

There was no reproof of Martha's desire to provide well; nor any sanction of possible neglect on Mary's part… He desired not well-served meals and material comforts only, but the company of the sisters, and above all their receptive attention to what He had to say. He had more to give them than they could possibly provide for Him." James E. Talmage, Jesus the Christ pg 433, 434

Christ had something most precious to give to His dear friends, and yet one of them almost missed receiving it; because she was caught up with doing that which she thought was important.

This to me is such a powerful lesson in how I need to prioritize my life. Too often I find myself, like Martha before me, filling my time with good things at the expense of that which is better. This I believe is a major problem with Single Adults. We are being distracted, and detoured, and overwhelmed by all the good things in our lives that we too often lose sight completely of the better or best things. In his October 2007 General Conference Address, Elder Dallin H. Oaks of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, said about this,

"We should begin by recognizing the reality that just because something is good is not a sufficient reason for doing it. The number of good things we can do far exceeds the time available to accomplish them. Some things are better than good, and these are the things that should command priority attention in our lives." Good, Better, Best, Elder Dallin H. Oaks, October 2007 General Conference

So how do we discern what the better part is? How do I know what is most needful? For what is most needful in one moment is not in another? For this, all I can say is to trust in the Holy Spirit to guide us. We as members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints have been given the most precious gift of the companionship of the Holy Ghost if we will but be worthy and receive it.

The spirit will, as Nephi told his brethren, show us all things which we should do. He will guide us when we know not what to do. He will help us to always see the better part. And he will give us course corrections when we have made the wrong choices. When we follow the spirit, we are always right, and have nothing to fear.

A couple of weeks ago my younger sister (younger by six ½ years) got married in the Mt. Timpanogos Temple. Since that day, I cannot count the number of times that I have been asked, "So, how does it feel to have your younger sister married before you?"

(This was always asked with the implied and sometimes said: After all, you are a 25-year-old return missionary, who doesn't even have a boyfriend…)

Instead of pointing out how rude and inappropriate that question is, and that they should mind their own business as I would like to say, I graciously put a smile on my face and honestly reply that I am very happy for my little sister.

Yes, I will admit that for a brief moment at the beginning of their engagement I suffered from what my friend and I call a "Valancy Day" (This is a literary reference to my favorite L.M. Montgomery book entitled, The Blue Castle. For those of you who don't know, L.M. Montgomery is the famed author of the Anne of Green Gables Series.)

"One does not sleep well, sometimes, when one is twenty-nine on the morrow, and unmarried, in a community and connection where the unmarried are simply those who have failed to get a man…Ay, there lay the sting. Valancy did not mind so much being an old maid… What hurt her was that she had never had a chance to be anything but an old maid. No man had ever desired her." Excerpt from Chapter one of, The Blue Castle, L.M. Montgomery

However, like Valancy, I quickly pulled myself up and out of that blue mood which I was in, by focusing on what God has given me, not on what He has yet to give me.

Yes, a big part of me wishes that I was able to get married years ago when I was younger. A part of me wishes that I already had children of my own. Yet, I am so grateful for the blessing of being able to have served a full-time mission, to receive an amazing education, and that I have the current opportunity to serve as an Ordinance Worker in the Mt. Timpanogos Temple. All of which would have been either difficult or impossible to do if I had married and started having children years ago.

As Alma stated in the Book of Mormon,

"But behold, I am a man, and do sin in my wish; for I ought to be content with the things which the Lord hath allotted unto me.

I ought not to harrow up in my desires, the firm decree of a just God, for I know that he granteth unto men according to their desire, whether it be unto death or unto life; yea, I know that he allotteth unto men, yea, decreeth unto them decrees which are unalterable, according to their wills, whether they be unto salvation or unto destruction." Alma Chapter 29:3-4

So, even though my life has turned out differently than I planned, I am happy in all that God has allotted me. My life, my happiness is in His hands, and could I ask for more?

As for my sister, I was telling the truth when I said that I am happy for her. My younger sister is an amazing young woman, and I love her very much. How could I not then be happy that she has found an equally amazing young man to spend the eternities with?

From the time that the Prophet Lehi and his family left Jerusalem, to the final Battle at Cumorah, which marked the formal end of the Nephite people, records were kept. These records were passed down, to be read and then continued, from prophet to prophet, and from ruler to ruler. Of these records one Nephite prophet Helaman said,

"But behold, a hundredth part of the proceedings of this people, yea, the account of the Lamanites and of the Nephites, and their wars, and contentions, and dissensions, and their preaching, and their prophecies, and their shipping and their building of ships, and their building of temples, and of synagogues and their sanctuaries, and their righteousness, and their wickedness, and their murders, and their robbings, and their plundering, and all manner of abominations and whoredoms, cannot be contained in this work." Helaman 3:4

There was so much that could not be recorded because of the difficulties of doing so, and yet enough was recorded (that which was considered most precious) that, later at the end of their civilization, the Prophet/Historians Mormon and his son Moroni, had to compile and condense the record even further. All this was done in the wisdom of God that we in these last days would be blessed with another testament of Jesus Christ.(The Book of Mormon)

Likewise, in our day, as in the days of the Ancient Nephites, we too have been commanded to keep records. I have been taught this since I was a child. And because of this, I have created such an eclectic assortment of journal entries, which span from my childhood to the present. For, even though I do not have to deal with the difficulty of engraving my record like those ancient Nephites, it is still not easy for me to keep a consistent record. I cannot count the number of times that I have started a journal and been faithful for a few days, only to stop. Often I tell myself that I am just too busy. The life of a single adult often is. It is true that often I just don't' have the time in the morning, and by evening I am ready to drop in exhaustion.

Yet, where I think that chaos of life and tiredness may have a part to play in my not keeping a consistent journal, I think that there is a deeper reason. I think that the reason we, (or at least I) do not try harder to keep a consistent journal, is because we think that is it of no use. No one could ever want to read what is written, and even if someone did, what good would it do them?

When I think of how much The Book of Mormon, has influenced my life I am humbled. For me this record is more than a history. It is more then a bunch of really cool stories. The Book of Mormon is filled with wisdom, guidance, and warning that is totally applicable in my life. It is also full of comfort, strength, and understanding. Most importantly I know my Heavenly Father, and Savior Jesus Christ so much more because of it. I understand who I am, why I am here, where I am going, and how to get there.

I see the value in the ancient record known as The Book of Mormon, yet that record was made by Prophets and great leaders. Of course their record would be influential. I, however, am not a Prophet. I am not a great leader. I am not even married yet. How could anything I write be of any influence to future generations?

The Lord knew that we would have these fears, and difficulties, and so He spoke to us through his Prophet, President Spencer W. Kimball, the Prophet of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, saying,

"You should continue on in this important work of recording the things you do, the things you say, the things you think, to be in accordance with the instructions of the Lord. Your story should be written now while it is fresh and while the true details are available.

Your private journal should record the way you face up to challenges that beset you. Do not suppose life changes so much that your experiences will not be interesting to your posterity. Experiences of work, relations with people, and an awareness of the rightness and wrongness of actions will always be relevant. Your journal, like most others, will tell of problems as old as the world and how you dealt with them…

Your journal is your autobiography, so it should be kept carefully. You are unique, and there may be incidents in your experience that are more noble and praiseworthy in their way than those recorded in any other life.

What could you do better for your children and your children's children than to record the story of your life, your triumphs over adversity, your recovery after a fall, your progress when all seemed black, your rejoicing when you had finally achieved? Some of what you write may be humdrum dates and places, but there will also be rich passages that will be quoted by your posterity." New Era, December 1980 President Kimball Speaks Out on Personal Journals

Here is a promise that if I keep working at writing in my journal that no matter how insignificant the entries may seem to me that they will be of great worth to my future posterity. There will be rich passages which will be counted as of great worth to them. With this in mind how can I not do my best, even though it is difficult to write even a hundredth part of my story, to record what I can.

Some people believe in destiny, others believe that everything is a matter of chance, I believe in foreordination. I believe that we were each called to do a specific work in our lives, our own personal missions to move forward the work of the Lord. (Of course, this foreordination is still subject to our agency, or the choices we make. If we fail to qualify, by our choices, for the missions we were called to do, then another will be chosen to do so in our place. For God’s work will not be frustrated. Although, I cannot help but think that no one could fulfill your mission like you could.)

With this in mind, I could not help but wonder, whenever I thought of the vast ages of the world, (and all the people who have been born to them) of why I was chosen to live now, in this age. (For timing is very important in fulfilling our missions.) As I said, I do not believe that it is mere random coincidence that places us in the exact time and place to which we are born. I know there is a purpose.

Not too many years ago the then current Prophet of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, President Ezra Taft Benson addressed this when he taught,

“God has held you in reserve to make your appearance in the final days before the second coming of the Lord. Some individuals will fall away; but the kingdom of God will remain intact to welcome the return of its head--even Jesus Christ. While our generation will be comparable in wickedness to the days of Noah, when the Lord cleansed the earth by flood, there is a major difference this time. It is that God has saved for the final inning some of His strongest children, who will help bear off the kingdom triumphantly. . . . Make no mistake about it--you are a marked generation. There has never been more expected of the faithful in such a short period of time than there is of us.” Teachings of Ezra Taft Benson [1988], pp. 104-5

We are told that we were held in reserve for this time. We are told that there is much expected of us. In more recent years, Elder Russell M. Nelson of the Quorum of the twelve Apostles said,

“You are one of God’s noble and great spirits, held in reserve to come to earth at this time. (See Doctrine and Covenants 86:8-11.) In your premortal life you were appointed to help prepare the world for the great gathering of souls that will precede the Lord’s second coming. You are one of a covenant people. You are an heir to the promise that all the earth will be blessed by the seed of Abraham and that God’s covenant with Abraham will be fulfilled through his lineage in these latter days." (See 1 Nephi 15:18; 3 Nephi 20:25.)” November 1990, Choices, Elder Russell M. Nelson

Here we learn that we were appointed in our premortal life to prepare the way of the Lord. Yet how can anyone fulfill their missions if they do not know what they are? The Lord understands this dilemma. Which is why he has prepared many ways for us to discover our missions.

1) We have Patriarchal Blessings.
2) Priesthood Blessings.
3) Personal Revelation from the Spirit.
4) The teachings of the Scriptures.

Seeking out and fulfilling your mission is a process that takes a lifetime. This process requires faith, patience, and the willingness to submit to the will of the Lord. As a warning, never expect the Lord to just lay out every little detail before you. That is not His way. We are told in the scriptures that He will give us line upon line, and precept upon precept.

This is not something to put off until one is old, and has nothing else to do. Our missions often span the course of our lifetime. Which mean we must seek Him early and often to fulfill all He has called on us to do. When we do so, though life will most likely turn out different then planned, it will be more fulfilling, joyful, and in the end we will have little if any regrets (none of which will come from doing the will of God).

A recent thread on a favorite bulletin board of mine invited us to come in and share with everyone some of the compliments we receive. The responses were uplifting and enlightening about many of the men and women I've chatted with over the years.

For many it was physical appearances: their lovely skin, thick and wavy hair, or their eyes. For others is was more characteristic traits: sense of humor, an even temper, and being a good listener.

Then there were the amazing talents: poets and writers, singers and teachers, and many who could cook and bake up the most delicious things.

My favorite compliments were the little things that showed me just a bit more about their personalities and the things that set them truly apart. One woman wrote of her abilities with children, of how she somehow really understands them even if they're not her own. A couple was complimented in the grocery store on how nicely they spoke to one another, as well as how sweet it was to see they were looking out for what the other liked and didn't like.

One of the sweetest compliments I've ever received came from a friend one Sunday at Relief Society (the women's organization of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, also known as the Mormon Church). The lesson that Sunday was on what makes us special, and our teacher invited us to mention something about another person in class.

My friend surprised me by saying every time we happened to meet I made her feel like the most important person in the world. She loved my big smile and the way I would focus right on her. I can't even begin to tell you what those dear words meant to me.

Words hold a particular power over how one's self-image is molded. N. Eldon Tanner, a former 1st Counselor in the First Presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, spoke on this very thing.

"...[People] tend to live up to (or down to) the statements expressed about them. An honest, sincerely stated compliment helps to build character; criticism destroys it. Tearing down another's reputation or character never builds or betters our own. Expressing admiration for the accomplishments or character traits of another builds us as well as those about whom we speak" (N. Eldon Tanner, "'Nay, Speak No Ill'," Ensign, Mar 1973).

People will literally bloom under the warm rays of a sincere compliment. One of the most incredible effects of uplifting others is what it does for us. We cannot bless the lives of others without influencing our own for good.

To be on the other side of a compliment isn't easy for most everyone, I would think. We stammer and hide our heads and say, "No, not really." It's difficult to accept praise, and yet it's not that difficult to simply say, "Thank you so much. I really appreciate that." (It's taken me years to learn that's all there is to it!)

Many of us aren't too good at giving compliments. That certainly doesn't mean we should shy away from doing so. It just takes a bit of practice, and perhaps some goals to help us along.

President Tanner gives three fantastic ideas.

1. Write a note at least once a week to someone about an accomplishment. I am a huge fan of writing notes and letters to people. There is something so fantastic about having our best traits written down where we can read them again and again.

2. Give a compliment to at least one individual a day, in person or on the telephone. Few things are sweeter than hearing uplifting words from someone we hold dear.

3. Keep a secret record for a month of the number of times you are tempted to criticize and refrain from doing so. See if the number diminishes as you give sincere compliments instead. I would even go so far as to encourage you to give one compliment for every negative thought. What I love about this idea is you can see with your own eyes how your own way of thinking will change for the better.

The words we speak in this lifetime matter in eternity.

"... every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgement. For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned" (Matthew 12:36-37).

I wanted to post this on January 24th for one big reason: it's Compliment Day. Let today be a starting off point in making a difference in the lives of those you come in contact with. You never know when a few kind words will work to change the course of someone's life.

I remember going to a movie several years ago with my mother. It wasn’t the happiest of movies. In fact I still hesitate to watch it today as I find myself susceptible to the atmosphere of the things I watch. Of course if I’m looking for a good cry it’s perfect.

In this movie one specific young man at boarding school is struggling with a desire to please his father and become a doctor, or follow his own passion for acting. He tries out for the lead in a play and gets the coveted part, but has to keep this activity a secret. In fact his father doesn’t find out until after the play is over.

I don’t know what this young man thought. Perhaps he hoped his father would see how good he was in it, how happy he was doing it, and let go of the designs to make his son a doctor. It didn’t work out that way.

After having that taste of freedom, of doing something of his own choosing, and having it promptly taken away breaks something within this young man. He can’t imagine going back to the idea of being a doctor. The thought of spending years in medical school, ‘wasting his life away,’ drives him to do something unspeakable. He kills himself.

I told you it wasn’t the happiest of movies. As we drove home my mother asked me what I thought about the choice the young man had made. I thought killing himself was drastic, of course, and yet as a young adult myself I could understand how he might view the looming years of forced schooling in something he didn’t want to do as unbearable.

My mother then told me something I’ve never forgotten.

“It’s sad, you know,” she said. “He just wasted the entire rest of his life because of a few years of going to school. After that he could have walked away. He didn’t have to be a doctor, no matter how much money his dad put into the idea.”

It was during that time I was trying to figure out for myself what I needed to do about school. I had almost finished my freshman year at college, but had felt increasingly ill at ease with the thought of going back for a second year. The problem was everyone assumed I’d go back, and I wasn’t one for disappointing others.

I spent the next few weeks doing a lot of thinking and praying. One night I came to my parents and told them how I’d been feeling, and asked if they’d be okay with me staying home the next year to figure things out. Not everyone has supportive, understanding parents, but I certainly do.

As it turned out staying home and going off to work were two of the best decisions I’ve made. A few months later I met my husband. That was more than twelve years ago.

Whether it’s where we’ll go to school, our attitude in circumstances outside of our control, or where we want to see ourselves in ten or twenty years, it is up to us to make our dreams and hopes happen. Too often we might see others talk themselves out of the idea of finding happiness in their lives. Perhaps their dreams just need to be delayed for a while.

M. Russell Ballard, an apostle in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (nicknamed Mormon Church), spoke to a group of young single adults about doing the right things for the right reasons. In particular he talked of how our greatest education should be what happens as we build upon the things of the spirit.

“We cannot ignore keeping the commandments of God. We cannot excuse ourselves or rationalize or justify even the smallest things in our lives that we need to master. We must work to overcome them. We can become the masters of our own destinies by practicing self-discipline, by setting worthy goals that will lead to higher ground so that we can become what our heavenly Father wants us to become” (M. Russell Ballard, “Do Things That Make a Difference,” Ensign, Jun 1983).

Nothing worth having comes easy. If the young man from the movie I’ve talked about had only changed his attitude he might have been able to make both of the dreams happen. He could have gone to medical school, and found a way to stay involved in acting. He didn’t have to end what could have been a promising career.

I’m still working toward making my dream of having a college education a reality. Until my children are grown I'll have to put it on hold. It's not something I've given up on. I've just changed course for a time. Until the time I can continue this dream presents itself, I will pursue other dreams. I will be the master of my own happiness.

As we approach the beginning of a new year one particular thing tends to be on everyone’s minds: New Years Resolutions. Making resolutions is easy, committing to them is much harder. So this year I would challenge you to try something new: make goals instead of resolutions.

Resolutions are declared emphatically at the beginning of the year. For the first month or so we remain steady in our course, determined to make this resolution stick. By March our resolution has hit a bump, as we’re not quite sure where to go next in keeping us on our set path. Perhaps by May our resolution has been placed on the back burner until at last we’ve forgotten what we’d set out to do by the middle of the year.

Goals are different. Goals demand to be written down, step-by-step. Goals will show just how far we’ve come, as well as what we need to do next to accomplish it. Goals require self-discipline, just as resolutions, but offer hope when we’ve lost our way.

M. Russell Ballard, a latter-day apostle of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (or Mormon Church) spoke to a group of young, single adults on this very thing.

“…You must cultivate a desire to develop the skill of setting personal worthy and realistic goals…If we don’t set goals in our life and learn how to master the technique of living to reach our goals, we can reach a ripe old age and look back on our life only to see that we reached but a small part of our full potential. When one learns to master the principle of setting a goal, he will then be able to make a great difference in the results he attains in this life” (M. Russell Ballard, “Do Things That Make a Difference,” Ensign, Jun 1983) italics added.

He goes on to explain self-discipline is the first key in setting and accomplishing goals. The second part is writing our goals down. In fact, write them down several times. Put these goals out in places you’ll read them daily as a reminder. If your goal includes getting rid of a bad habit, find a good one to replace it. Is there something you’ve always wanted to do, or learn to do? Use the time you would normally spend on doing the bad habit (like watching too much TV) and put it towards doing something new (like learning to play the guitar).

Set clear, specific, realistic goals. Don’t set the goal to lose 100 lbs by the end of the year. Instead set a goal to become healthier, through better eating and exercising. Join a class if possible. Include family members or roommates in order to have a good support system. Talk with a nutritionist about better ways to eat.

Set mini-goals along the way. These mini-goals will not only help keep you on course, but will help you see just how far you’ve come. They’re easier to accomplish and make the big goal seem much less overwhelming.

For example, say you want to set a goal to read your Bible for an hour daily. If you haven’t been in the habit before now don’t start with an hour. You’ll find yourself slipping easily, may become discouraged, and give up too soon. Start small. For the first few weeks set a mini-goal to read for five minutes. If you miss a day, read for ten minutes the next. After you’re used to reading for five minutes, up the amount to ten. A few weeks later go for fifteen minutes, then twenty. Be sure to mark off major stepping points along the way.

If you don’t quite make your mini-goals, don’t give up. Just re-evaluate and do a little rewriting. Goals are flexible that way. Just be sure to place these rewrites back in obvious places. Reminders of what we want to be doing and how far we have come will go a long way in keeping us on course.

How important is setting goals for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints? We start our members setting goals as early as eight-years old with the Faith in God program. Our teens spend six years setting and accomplishing various goals. LDS Missionaries are also repeatedly encouraged to make and accomplish goals. In the “Guidebook for Parents and Leaders of Youth” both are encouraged to “help your sons and daughters set and accomplish goals that will challenge them.” As we set realistic goals, and learn the value of accomplishing them, we can one day look back on our lives and realize just how much good we’ve done.

“If your goals are righteous, of God-given perspective, eternal in their nature, then go for them. Pray for the inner strength to have the discipline to do those things that will guarantee through your activity and your life that you will reach your goals. Then, I think, perhaps as important as anything, we have to have faith. We have to have faith in God. We have to have faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. And oh, how desperately we have to have faith in ourselves” (M. Russell Ballard, “Go for It!,” New Era, Mar 2004).

The mightiest tools in making and accomplishing goals are to include Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ in our plan, and to have faith. After all, with God, anything is possible.