Young Single Adults

A number of years ago when I first joined my stake singles ward, I had a Relief Society Lesson that changed my life. I no longer recall all the details of the lesson, but there is one part that I will never forget.

The sister who was teaching Relief Society that Sunday, was a nurse. She works with babies, specifically premature ones. She told us that part of her responsibility was to visit the babies in their home after they were released from the hospital to give them checkups etc… Normally she enjoyed these checkups, but there was one home she always dreaded to go. It was a small home, and the only surface she could lay the baby upon to do the check up was a small coffee table in the front living room. Normally this wouldn't bother her, except that the parents always had the TV on and what they were watching was not something she ever wanted stored in her mind.

For weeks she struggled to just keep her head down and focus on the baby to get through the checkup as fast as she could and then leave. Yet, no matter how hard she concentrated, she could not block out what was being shown just a foot away from her head. Her quiet humming could block out the noise, but somehow no matter how hard she tried there she would always leave with at least one more unwanted image ingrained in her mind.

Then one morning while studying The Book of Mormon, she came across a powerful verse of scripture:

"And they pitched their tents round about the temple, every man having his tent with the door thereof towards the temple, that thereby they might remain in their tents and hear the words which King Benjamin should speak unto them." Mosiah 2:6

In her study that day my friend cross-referenced that scripture with this scripture,

"Abram dwelled in the land of Canaan, and Lot dwelled in the cities of the plain, and pitched his tent toward Sodom." Genesis 13:12

What an amazing difference the direction of their tents made in the lives of these two people. The first people pitched their tents toward the Temple of God, and the Lord's Prophet and they were greatly blessed because of it in so many ways. However, Lot pitched his tent toward Sodom, and the world, and in the end he lost everything including his wife.

After reading these two scriptures, my friend made a decision in how to handle this difficult circumstance. The next time she went to do the checkup, instead of just bending her head, she repositioned herself so that her back was to the TV all together. She said that this made all the difference in the world.

At this point she told us that we all have a choice to make. It was up to us to decide which direction we were going to pitch our tents in our lives. She reminded us that right now, in our single lives, we have the most freedom to rearrange the direction of our tents if needed. Later on when we have more permanently established our lives with our spouse and children it will be much more difficult to do so.

There is a topic that has weighed heavily upon my mind and heart for the past few weeks. I have some dear friends whom I fear are playing with fire. The worst part is that they either don't realize or won't accept that they are. What am I talking about? I am talking about moral cleanliness which is threatened by the fire of unbridled passion.

I am, apparently, not the only one concerned about this. There are countless talks given by our Prophet and Apostles to the young adults of the church on this topic. In the October 1990 General Conference Elder M. Russell Ballard began his talk with,

"The leaders of the Church care so deeply about every one of you that I feel an urgent need to warn you once again of the consequences of moral misconduct... We are aware that the youth of the Church are growing up in a world that is plagued with teenage moral misconduct. We also know that sexual sin has increased tremendously during the past 20 years. Far too many young people have violated the law of chastity. Unfortunately, the youth of the Church are not immune..." (Purity Precedes Power, October 1990 General Conference, Elder M. Russell Ballard)

First, I want you to know that my friends are all good people. They were raised with good standards, and would never (I hope) consciously do something to jeopardize their eternal happiness. And yet, when I see them with their girlfriends/boyfriends, I am afraid of just that. It seems that each time I see them together they are engaging in behavior that they never would have deemed appropriate just weeks before. Yet, they don't see anything wrong in what they are doing. When I tried to speak to them, they just responded by informing me that touch was his or her love language, and that, they haven't crossed the line, so it is, okay. Then they finish by saying I'll understand someday when I am finally in love.

I do understand, and that is why I am so concerned. Though most do not know this about me, touch is one of my main love languages, as well. However, it is because of this that touch evokes such powerful feelings in me, which I hold sacred and will not abuse by evoking inappropriately.

As for not crossing the line, we are given a line or standard, not so as to see how close we can get to it without crossing it, but so we can stay away from it. Commandments are for our protection. They keep us from pain if we will obey them and help us to have true and lasting happiness in this life. The closer we get to the line the more our perception and ability to think clearly are skewed. When this happens we lose self-control, and we become bound.

"Our youth seem confused about the definition of moral cleanliness. Some young men and women take a certain definition and then push it to its limits to see how far they can go without being immoral by that definition. … Because sexual intimacy is so sacred, the Lord requires self-control and purity before marriage, as well as, full fidelity after marriage. In dating, treat your date with respect, and expect your date to show that same respect to you. Never treat your date as an object to be used for your own lustful desires or ego. Improper physical contact can cause a loss of self-control. Always stay in control of yourself and your physical feelings" Away From the Blinding Dust, May New Era 1991, Elder M. Russell Ballard

Lastly, when I think about passion and love I think of the counsel given by the Prophet Alma to his son Shiblon,

"See that ye bridle all your passions, that ye may be filled with love."Alma 38:12

He did not tell his son to suppress, ignore, or snuff out his passions. He did not say passion was wrong or evil. What he did say was that to be filled with love (and not lust which can only destroy) that we need to bridle (control or properly direct) our passions.

"Sometimes people try to convince themselves that sexual relations outside of marriage are acceptable if the participants love one another. This is not true. Breaking the law of chastity and encouraging someone else to do so is not an expression of love. People who love each other,will never endanger one another's happiness and safety in exchange for temporary personal pleasure.

When people care for one another, enough to keep the law of chastity, their love, trust, and commitment increase, resulting in greater happiness and unity. In contrast, relationships built on sexual immorality sour quickly. Those who engage in sexual immorality often feel fear, guilt, and shame. Bitterness, jealousy, and hatred soon replace any positive feelings that once existed in their relationship." Chastity, Gospel Library,
Gospel Topics

If any have gone too far (if you are not sure if your conduct has gone too far then talk to your bishop or branch president). Then there is still hope in the Atonement. The path to repentance and complete forgiveness in overcoming this sin is difficult, but doable. Go and talk to your Bishop or Branch President today, and he will help you to do so.

Mega-stars of today (I choose not to mention any names) have declared marriage to be old-fashioned and outdated. In one or two instances I can understand why they carry this perception. During their growing up years every experience with marriage they were exposed to had myriads of horrendous problems, and ultimately ended in divorce.

I am here to declare to you today that this is not the norm. Look at grandmothers and grandfathers who have stayed married for over fifty years. What happened to that sort of commitment in the relationships of today? How is it that in such a short time, only two generations, what was once considered precious is now held up as a hindrance?

You can see it splashed all over television and movies, in the lives of the so-called rich and famous, in music and magazines. In the world today messages against the institution of marriage abound. Perhaps you've heard, "If marriage doesn't work out, get a divorce" or, "Marriage is nice, but not necessary."

Yet this is not God's plan for us. He wants us to seek and find that special someone with whom we can marry and build a wonderful life together. Satan, the adversary to all that God has taught us to hold dear, has taken his most powerful tool and instilled it within the hearts of even the most valiant of people.

Fear.

President Gordon B. Hinckley, leader of the Mormon Church (or the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints), said: “Let us recognize that fear comes not of God, but rather that this gnawing, destructive element comes from the adversary of truth and righteousness. Fear is the antithesis of faith.” (“God Hath Not Given Us the Spirit of Fear,” Ensign, Oct. 1984.)

Fear can stop a good many people from doing so many wonderful things, including choosing marriage. Satan knows our backgrounds. He’s watched us as we’ve grown. He knows how to take our fears and insecurities, and pepper us with them until we let that fear control us. When this happens we are far more likely to choose the wrong path.

God would treat us differently. He would have us look within ourselves, to see the most wonderful things about ourselves. He would then ask for us share these things with someone who can fully appreciate what we have to offer. He would dispel constant fears such as worry of divorce, of financial struggles, or whatever may persist in keeping you from taking that remarkable step. God knows what you need more than you, and He can guide you along the right path.

I’m not saying go ahead and marry the first person that comes along. As in all aspects of your lives this is something that should be prayed about. As you pray how do you feel? Is there a sick feeling, or a moment where all thoughts of marriage to one particular person are taken from your mind? If so then it’s probably not right. On the other hand if you feel good about your decision I would imagine you can go ahead and say yes.

In the Doctrine and Covenants, a collection of revelations given to the Mormon prophet Joseph Smith, we are given fantastic direction as to how to interpret the answer to our prayers.

“But, behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right. But if it be not right you shall have no such feelings, but you shall have a stupor of thought that shall cause you to forget the thing which is wrong; therefore, you cannot write that which is sacred save it be given you from me.” (D&C 9:8-9)

If we come at the idea of marriage with the right mindset and include God in the process, the fear will disappear. No matter what you've witnessed in the past, marriage can be a wonderful experience, lasting for many, many years.